June Monograph
June iz twin sister tew May, lacking a month. She iz named after Juno, the spouze ov Jupiter, and she waz a stirring woman. June iz the mother of rozes and milk. June iz the stepmother of good gras butter, she iz also grate granmother ov Bakon and Spinnage. June iz a praktikal gusher, and i love tew stand one side, and let her gush,—i hav made it a rule never tew git in the way ov a gush ov enny kind,—i say tew everything, gush! oh, gush!
Words Tew Housewifes
To make a cheap soup, take 5 drops ov good strong onion juice, add 2 gall’s ov water, bile 10 minnitts karefully, and seazon with a couple ov phatt cockroches.
To make a hoe kake, take a hoe and bile it tew a thin jell, and then,—let her kake
Tew skin a Eel, turn him inside out, and remove the meat with a Jack plane
Tew make a hen lay 2 eggs a day, reazon with her; if that dont dew, threaten to chastize her if she dont.
Tew learn yure offspring to steal, make them beg hard for all that yu giv them.
Q.–Whi are robbers like rain?
A.–Bekauze they fall on the just and the unjust.
Now bate yure hook, and find a brook,
Where water runs the fasstest,
Thare lays the trout, jist jerk him out,
And chuck him in yure basket.