November Monograph
Everyboddy wants tow be sassy at November—to turn her the cold shoulder—tew nuss all their old akes anew—tew look az sour az a pot-bellyed pickle—tew hunt for a kat’s tale tew step at,—but i aint! November iz when i harvest mi happiness, when i gather into mi pious korn krip, the moral sowing ov the whole year. I am only sorry for one thing during the month ov November, and that iz, that i am sich a poor, weak, unsartin, sinnerly cuss, and that mi nabers aint much better than i am.
Sum More Hints Tew Boardin-House Keepers
1st. If your boarders take sugar, and milk, in their kaughphy, dont put in mutch sugar, bekauze yu kno they hav milk, and dont put in but little milk, bekauze they hav sugar.
2d. Bukwheat kakes made out ov wheat bran kost less, and soak up molasses more carefully.
3d. In negotiating for sassige, do yure bizzness with the bolony men, then you kno what yu are gitting yu kant alwus tell what country sassige kontains.
4th. Be kind tew cockroaches, for they often make a plate of butter last a whole week, and when you pray, alwus pray for the light eaters.
Q.–What iz the eazyest vittles tew digest?
A.
—A good joke.
Pick apples now, and cider make,
And in a barrel juice it,
Then git a straw, without a flaw,
And through the straw seduce it.