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Josh Billings’ Farmer’s Allminax

by Josh Billings

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The Chipmunk

The chipmunk iz the smallest of the squirrell tribe. They are striped goods, having three blak lines wove into them, running the same way the squirrell duz. Az a spekulator in corn the chipmunk stands at the hed ov all the small operators, beating the blujay, in hiz yearly operashuns about a quart. The chipmunk carrys hiz corn in hiz mouth, and when he cums out ov a cornfield loaded with the cereal, his cheeks stik out like a duch baby’s. Sumtimes the chipmunk iz kaught and kept in a cage, and iz made to turn a wheel for a living, this iz the only usefull work they hav ever been known to do. I hav often lookt at them at work in their wheels, and dont kno which i pitty the most, the chipmunk, or the party who has to tend them, both of them mite be in better bizzness. They are the only insekt who dig their holes and sho no pile ov dirt at the entrance. I hav asked sevral smart men what bekums ov the dirt, but they all shook their heds and lookt awfull wize. When i waz a boy i used to ketch chipmunks bi running away from skool, and the day that I brought in two ov them waz a big day for me.

Crumbs

The devil iz a very cunning phellow, but the blunders he makes allwuss eats up the profitts in hiz bizzness.


A dandy iz an individul whoze usephullness in this world depends entirely upon the fit ov hiz clothes.


ARIES, THE RAM.
On the War Path.—The hit ov the seazon.

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