September Monograph
September iz named after “Septus” which thrashed out into Amerikan, means seven. I wouldn’t take 500 dollars for the latin i know, and i don’t kno mutch nuther. Sept. iz a lakadaisikal month, mello az the dekayed side of a punkin, and as sensitive az a boarding school miss, during her fust quarter in french. Natur makes her will this month—hogs root violently—birds hold convenshuns, and adjourn down south—tree toads boost each other up trees and warble sum anthems—katydids chew musick and spit it out freely, and bull frogs post their books.
More Advice Tew Young Sportsmen
In shooting at a deer that looks like a calf, always aim so az tew miss it if it iz a calf, and to hit it if it iz a deer.
In fishing for krabs, use yure fingers for bait, yu kan feel them when they fust bite.
Dont fire at a bumble bee on the wing, not till he settles, then take good aim, and knok him endways.
In bobbing for Eels, use a raw potato, yu may not bag much Eels, but yu kan bag a bob, that yu kan hand down tew yure ancestors untarnished.
Thare are but fu sights in this life, more sublime, and pathetick than to see a poor, but virtiuous yung man, struggling—with a mustash.=
It iz thus, Josh Billings.
I hav seen men so fond ov argument, that they would dispute with a guide board, at the forks ov a kuntry road, about the distance to the next town.=
What fools, Josh Billings
Q.–How fast duz sound travel?
A.–The sound ov a dinner horn travels one mile in a seckond.
This month pull flax,
And teeth that ake.
Lay in bees wax,
And emptins kake.