Advise Tew Hoss Jockeys
Never swop hosses with a deakon—not if yu belong tew the same church he duz.
If yu hav got a hoss that you ask 200 dollars for, and are offered 75 dollars for him, alwus sell him; dont spile a good hoss trade for 125 dollars.
If you should, bi acksident, git hold ov a sound hoss, git shut of him az soon az yu kan, for yu wont be happy with him.
If, in swopping hosses, yu git kornered, and kant lie, postpone the trade untill next day.
Noboddy ever expekts tew buy a hoss without gitting cheated; tharefore, if a hoss jockey dont lie, he loses one ov his blessed privileges.
Mice kan liv enny whare fust rate except in a church.—they fatt very slo in a church.—this shows that they kant liv on religion, enny more than a minister kan.
Yures. Josh Billings
Whenever i see a real hansum woman engaged in the “wimmin rights” bizzness, i am a going to take off mi hat, and jine the proceshun.—
See if i dont. Josh Billings
Q.–Whi iz the meazles like fresh mackrel?
A.–They run in schools, and hav tew be kaught before they can be had.
Deakon John Jones waz a pius man,
But for one thing I kant lend praze;
’Twas asking pardon bekauze he swore,
When his old ram knokt him end waze.