July Misscellany
Pisces, the Zodiak Fishes
Pisces are the only two fishes we hav enny account ov who hav bin able tew swim on land and not tutch bottom. It iz now over 4000 years since they cum ashore and took lodgings in the zodiak. It haz alwus been a fish-bone ov kontenshun amung the natral philosophers whether they belong tew the kodfish, or the sucker family. I hav bin asked mi opinyun on this topick a 100 thousand times, but hav alwus maintained grate solemnity on the subjekt. It is alwus mi way when i dont kno nothing about enny thing, to look learned, and smile wisdum. Mi private opinyun iz, that pisces iz a pikerel, or a porgy, or a perch, and weighed originally about 9 pounds, but i dont want to bet on this. I kant tell whether Pisces would bite on an angleworm or not, but i think thare iz sum law aginst fishing in private ponds. Pisces iz a game fish, but what hiz game iz i dont kno, but probably hi lo Jak, or draw poker.
Epitaff
Here she lize—the queen ov pize,
Aunt Sally Ann Von Blixen,
Apple, and mince, kustard, and quince,
She couldn’t be beat in mixen.
Sakred this spot—stir her up not—
Her grace all lay in pi fixen,
Better sa i—go without pi,
Than wake up this old vixen.
Q.–What breed ov hens set the best?
A.
—Thoze without leggs.
For 50 miles round about,
When Joel cum along,
The wimmin all tur ned out,
For swopping mity strong.