December Misscellany
Gemini, the Zodiak Twins
I have asked several literary people if they would tell me whoze two children the Gemini waz, but they all shook their heds, and begun tew whissell. Maybe they thought i waz a kondem phool. I would just like tew know all about this. Thare iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and them iz twins. The zodiak twins are a kupple ov nice little phellows, if their piktur aint mistaken on the subjekt I never hav saw them only in their pikturs. Twins are two very interesting acksidents tew happen in sumboddy elses family, but one twin at a time suits me the most. In the zodiak sighns, the Gemini akt on the arms. I have alwus noticed that when a person haz twins the sighns are in the arms.
Class in Metaphisicks Stand Up
Teacher. Which iz the most stubborist animile?
Skoller. The klam, he wont budge a bit!
Teacher. Who iz the most open gaited animile?
Skoller. The swine, he kan open enny kind ov a gate!
Teacher. Which iz the most sure footedest animile?
Skoller. The mewel, he kan hit a man twice in a seckond 10 foot oph.
Teacher. Who iz the most foolishest animile?
Skoller. The goose, he dont kno enuff to go in when it rains.
Teacher. Class in metaphisicks may set down.
Q.–What iz the hardest thing a man kan do?
A.
—Tend sumboddy else’s baby.
Hiz wife (God bless her) went out tew push,
And learn whi this waz sutch,
Joel dropt a tear, and sed,
“Hannah! I’ve swopt once tew mutch.”