April Monograph
“April, dear April, chuck full ov charms,
Cum, cum, oh cum, tew mi arms,”
thus warbled the poet, more than twelve thousand years ago, and he knew his bizz, he had the right sting in him, he want none ov yure pedigree poets, nor dispepshee poets, nor whiskee poets.
Dandylions planted this month are almost sure tew hed out, so are tud stools, so are hed cheeze. This month iz also helthy for planting onions, onions are a luxury, and are good for a bad breth, or are bad for a good breth, i hav forgot which, but either way iz right.
Valuabel Advice Tew Yung Sportsmen
☛ In fishing for musketoze dont wait for them tew bite the seckond time.
☛ The best bait for bed bugs, iz tew sleep three in a bed.
☛ The best mark for target praktiss iz an old maskuline goose, one goose will last yu for five years shooting, and when he finally gits struck with lightning, and begins tew perish, yu kan melt him up, and git out the lead.
☛ The best kind ov a spear, for bullfrogging, iz a four tined dung fork, when you git the tines all full, shoulder the fork, and put for home.
Q.–How long kan a goose stand on one leg?
A.–Try it,—that’s the way the goose found out.
Jethro Sparks cum tew town,
Athwart a kussid mule,
He wound hiz ears around hiz nek,
And called him April Phule.