Horoskope for March
The man born this month will be inklined tew blow a little. He will be a domestik man, and will kno how to rok the kradle and pare potatoze. He will marry the only daughter of a widdo, and will be a good judge of mothers-in-law. He will die about the usual time in life, and leave a house and lot, with a small mortgage on it. He never will run for offiss but once, and then will git beat.
The woman who appears this month will be an old maid till she is 20 years old, and then will sudenly put a stop tew this kind ov bizzness, by investing in a yung man. She will be a good housekeeper, and kno how tew make a plum puddin, with the plums left out. She will hang on to her buty till she iz about 45; after that, she will hav to take her chances.
[Advertizement.]
Professor John Spruce (graduate) begs leaf tew inform the citizens ov Pordunk village that he will open a school for male yung men, over Nikodemus Bradley’s waggon shop, in whitch will be taught the nobel art of chawing gum, in all the hier branches.
Private lessons administered tew yung ladiz at their boarding-house. The Professor pledges himself tew teach, in six easy lessons, the gum-chawing science tew a spot.
N. B.—Seckond hand gum alwus on hand, for sale low.
Q.–Who iz the champion ov lite weights?
A.
—The Nu Jersey muskeeter.
Dame Barker had a yerling hen,
Who swore she’d set, or raze the dickens;
The dame sot her on an ear ov korn,
And razed a bushel an haff ov chickens.