April Misscellany
Virgo, the Zodiak Virgin
One ov the best preserved females ov the age iz Virgo the Virgin. She dont look an hour older than she did in the spring ov 1818 when i fust saw her. Virgo haz lite blu eyes and yeller hair, and i should esteem her to weigh about 117 pounds. Virgo haz menny admirers, and report sez, she haz had menny good trades offered her (one waz a duke) but she deklines matrimony. I congratulate her spunk. If she haz got a good lone hand i like to see her play it, even if she gits ukered. I hope Virgo will remain whare she iz for life, for she iz the only sighn in the zodiak that i love tew witness. Thare iz one thing about Virgo that pleazes me wonderful, and that iz, when the grecian bend waz raging on earth, and crooking most all the other wimmin, she never bent a bit. Hallelujah! for Virgo.
To Kontraktors
The widdo Betsey Brown will receive proposals sealed at her residence No. 86 Hopvine St. for the next 90 daze.
Kontraktors must state their best offers.
Diagrams of the widdows looks kan be had at the above No.
The widdo reserves the privilege ov refusing all offers.
The highest Bidder gits the worm.
Agents needn’t applikate.
Q.–Whi iz the kodfish like a sailor?
A.–Bekauze he iz an old salt.
’Twas Joels way t’ stop hiz kart,
At every hous and shop,
Fust tew tell a bit ov nuze,
And then propoze tew swop.