November Misscellany
Leo, the Zodiak Lion
Leo iz the only real lion that haz been allowed tew run around loose amung folks. Thus far he haz abstained from human flesh. Thare iz a report in the zodiak that he and Taurus had sum words about 15 thousand years ago, but i kant git hold ov the fakts in the case. Leo waz born in the smart little village ov Numidia in the state of Africa, ov unknown parents, and iz now 260 thousand years old. Leo will probably end hiz days in the zodiak, and i hav looked at Leo’s piktur in the zodiak gallery and dont hesitate tew rekomend him az a good job for all in search ov a disinterested lion. The lion iz like an auckshioneer in one respekt, hiz grate strength lays in hiz jaw. In the sighns ov the zodiak Leo akts on the heart, and this ackounts for the human heart being so tuff. Next to the gizzard, the heart iz the tuffest piece ov meat in the whole human kritter.
Examinin a Pordunk Valley Rale Rode Konduktor
President. Have yu a gold kronometer worth 300 dollars?
Konduktor. Not mutch!
President. Do yu keep a trotter?
Konduktor. Not enny!
President. Hav yu enny dimond rings?
Konduktor. Nary!
President. Do yu own a fiteing dog?
Konduktor. Nothing ov the sort!
President. How much bank stock have yu got?
Konduktor. Not a red!
President. We shant want yu,—the Pordunk valley rale rode haz got done furnishing konduktors with these things.
Q.–What did Adam and Eve weigh when they left Paradise?
A.–They weighed ankor and haint dropt it since.
He sold the mule for 3 dollars’
Worth ov honey in the comb,
Then got himself between the shafts,
And hauld the waggin home.