The Apple Dumplin
The dumplin are about the natral size ov yure phist, made out ov dough, and filled with apples. They are served up hot, with sum sweet-tasteing liniment on them, and are az eazy to struggle with az a sugar-plum. They aint so good kold az they ought to be. Kold dumplin, and raw potatoe, eat similar. I never et apple dumplin yet, without thanking the Lord for that one, and the Landlady for another one. Four apple dumplins, at one sitting, iz just about mi size. I wish i knu who invented theze kind-hearted balls, i would like to weep over hiz memory. Punkin pi, and apple dumplin, hav dun az mutch to civilize man az enny two missionarys that hav ever lived. Good vittles iz next to good morals enny how. Yu may talk about virtew az mutch az yu pleze, yu kant never inokulate a man with virtew fust rate on an empty stummuk. Giv a man four apple dumplin, with sum good kind ov ointment on them, and after he haz et them, and they hav settled down to hard pan, yu kan krawl up to him on either side, with a dose of morality, or even sum new kind of sope, for taking spots out ov clothes.
A Statement
Thare iz nothing about a man that will outlast a nikname, it will stik to him, az long az a bobtale will to a dog.
Most people repent ov their sins bi thanking God they aint so wicked az their nabors.
Thare iz one thing i notiss.—When a man falls down on the ice, whare the water iz an inch, and a haff deep, he never seems to feel proud ov the job =
Josh Billings
The goose, like sumother folks, haz more politeness than thare iz enny need ov.—i hav seen them lower their heds, in going into a barn door, 18 foot high.=
I hav. Josh Billings
SCORPIO, THE SKORPION.
When the pinch comes, he is thar.