The Auckshioneer
The auckshioneer iz an unfortunate individual who duz other peoples lieing for 10 dollars a day, and boards himself. He haz got az mutch jaw az a wolf trap, and as mutch cheeck az a 10 year old mule. He takes up the profeshun quite often on the same principle that a horse doktor duz hiz, not bekause he iz fit for the bizzness, but just to hav one in the naborhood. His gratest pride iz to mingle what he calls humor with hiz talk when he iz on the block, but hiz jokes are gennerally az level az a kold slapjax. He iz at the hight ov hiz ambishun when he haz worried a laff out ov the bistanders, and uses the same rhetorick, and similees, when he sells out a line ov bank securitys, that he duz, when he closes out an old one-eyed pelter, under a chattell mortgage, in frunt ov the kourt house. A kuntry auckshioneer, and a kuntry horse jockey, are two wonderphull cusses, in the rural deestrikts. I hav been an auckshioneer and kno what i am talking about.