March Monograph
This month derives her pedigree from the Danish verb “Whizz,” which means to blow, to wheeze, to snort, to pitch in endways, and crossways, to shake winder blinds, to smash barn doors, to skare pigs, to brake clothes lines, to make men sware, and wimmin balky. March iz principally immense for wind, but whare it all cums from, and whare it all goes to, are prize conumdrums which i kant untangle Dogs kreated this month invariably hav the bark on.
Attenshun Farmers
Rathbun’s “Old oaken bucket washing masheen.” For washing, bleaching, bileing, wringing, starching, blueing, hanging out, drieing, ironing, marking, fluting, and folding clothes, this lovely masheen haz no competitor in the male, or femail world. This iz the only masheen in the western hemisphear, that takes the inside cloth oph from a man’s back on the keen jump, and puts it back agin, in 15 minnitts, washed, dried, ironed, starched, the buttons sowed on, and the collar turned down. Ask for Rathbun’s Old oaken bucket washing masheen, and keep asking till yu git it, and when yu hav got it, hug it tew yure buzzum.
Q.–Will yu pleaze to define suicide?
A.–Suicide iz cheating the doktors out ov a job.
Mend fences now, and diches dig,
Lay in some cow, and little pig,
For milk, and pork,
Iz what enables a man tew do a good square day’s work.