Household Comforts

Tew git rid ov cockroaches,—sell yure house, and lot, and flee tew the mountains.

Tew make a slapjax that will do grate service,—cut it out ov buckskin, and fri it tew a koal black on a greaseless griddle.

Tew pick out a good husband!—shut up both eyes, grab hard, and trust in the Lord.

Tew make a kat mad,—trod on her continuashun.

Q.–Why iz woman like an echo?
A.–Bekauze she will hav the last word.

All nature bileth.
Roosters pant and so do lizzards;
The mules upon the dusty road
Kan’t raise a trot, to save their gizzards.