January Misscellany
Aries, the Zodiak Ram
Aries is a latin ram. He is kompozed ov wool all over, and horns in front. How Aries, the ram, got into the zodiak bothers me to this day, but he probably jumpt in out ov sumboddys back lot. This is all owing tew bad fences. Aries waz born soon after the diskovery ov this world by Kaptain Kook, the perambulator. Since the days ov Aries the hydraulik ram haz been born, a very hard ram tew fleece. Aries haz the post ov honor amung the sighns in the zodiak, and presides over the head ov the human anatomy. This iz a just kompliment tew hiz kapacity for putting a hed onto things. Aries, the ram, tho he haz no literary pretenshuns, haz made menny brilliant hits in hiz day.
To Make Good Milk Puntch
Take one quart ov red cow’s milk.
Strain all the water out ov the milk.
Puntch the milk severely with santy cruize rum.
Ramify it well with white sugar.
Koruskate sum nutmeg on the brow ov it.
Drink tew the Amerikan Eagle standing.
(This recipee haz been in the Billings family going on 300 years, and iz desighned for one person, and always hits the mark.)
The Hornet iz a red hot child ov natur, and haz a bizzness end to him.=
Respekfully, Josh Billings
The cockroach dont liv on what he eats, but what he kan git into, and often finding him ded in mi soup, i hav cum to the konklushun, that he kant swim, but that he kan float for a long time=
Josh Billings
Q.–What would be a good motto for a taylor?
A.
—Let her rip.
Joel Briggs waz born down east,
Hiz hight waz 6 feet 2,
Hiz panterloons waz striped,
And hitched beneath hiz shu.