Premiums
Awarded to Velosipede Riders in 1870
To Abram Parsons, a premium ov 33-1/8 dollars for riding a velosipede down the back stairs ov a gimnazium, and knocking out 18 ov hiz front teeth, and distorting hiz noze.
To Nimrod Sturgiss, a copper medal with 9 dollars, and a nu pair ov dorg skin gloves, for riding a velosipede into a mill-pond, and gitting drowned.
To Marshall Peaboddy Smith, a puss ov 2 dollars, and a life membership in the mackerel club, for riding a velosipede over a nu milch cow, and splitting a telegraph pole from top tew bottom.
Q.–Define the “fust impreshun.”
A.
—A mother’s kiss.
April phool was born this month,
A simpleton, but clever;
And tho 4000 years ov age,
He’s just az big a phool az ever.