Perfect Agreement
Mother: “Hush! You two children are always quarrelling. Why can’t you agree once in a while?”
Georgia: “We do agree, mamma. Edith wants the largest apple and so do I.”
She: Jack is in love with you.
Her: Nonsense!
She: That’s what I said when I heard it.
Her: How dared you!
Professor (endeavoring to impress on class the definition of cynic): Young man, what would you call a man who pretends to know everything?
Senior: A professor!
A young lady who was inspecting bicycles, said to the clerk:
“What’s the name of this wheel?”
“That is the Belvedere,” answered the salesman.
He was rewarded by a stony glance and the icy question:
“Can you recommend the Belva?”
“What this country needs is more production.”
“What this country needs,” replied Farmer Corntassel, with a slight trace of irritation, “is less talk about what it needs and more enthusiasm about deliverin’ the goods.”