Troublesome Customer
A woman who had visited every department of one of the big London shops and worried the majority of the salesmen without spending a penny, so exasperated one of them that he ventured to make a mild protest. “Madam,” he asked, “are you shopping here?”
The lady looked surprised, but not by any means annoyed. “Certainly!” she replied. “What else should I be doing?”
For a moment the salesman hesitated; then he blurted out, “Well, madam, I thought perhaps you were taking an inventory!”
Officer (to sailor who has rescued him from drowning): Thank you, Smith. To-morrow I will thank you before all the crew at retreat.
Sailor: Don’t do that, sir, they’ll half kill me!
Steward: Can I do anything for you, sir?
Passenger (faintly): You might present my compliments to the chief engineer and ask him if there is any hope of the boilers blowing up.
Lady (to box office manager): Can you tell me what they are playing to-morrow night?
Box Office Manager: “You Never Can Tell,” Madam.
Lady: Don’t they even let you know?
Village Idiot: Beg pardon, mam, seeing you’re painting the church, I thought I’d better tell you the clock is ten minutes fast.
Employer (rebuking employee for slackness): Have you any idea of the meaning of “Esprit de Corps”?
Stenographer: No, I haven’t, and if it’s anything vulgar I don’t want to.
Sympathetic Lady: What’s the matter with your hand, my little man?
Boy: Sawed the top of my finger off.
Sympathetic Lady: Dear, dear, how did you do that?
Boy: Sawing.