Nothing New to Him
The motor car was driven by a determined young woman, who had knocked down a man without injuring him much.
She did not try to get away. Instead, she stopped the car, descended to the solid earth and faced him manfully.
“I’m sorry it happened,” she said grudgingly, “but it was all your fault. You must have been walking carelessly. I’m an experienced driver. I’ve been driving a car for seven years.”
“Well,” replied her victim angrily, “I’m not a novice myself. I’ve been walking for fifty-seven years.”
Lady (to pedlar): “No, thank you, we never buy anything at the door.”
Pedlar: “Then I’ve just the thing for you, Madam. You will, I am sure, appreciate these tasteful little ‘No Pedlars’ notices.”
There is a lot to be said for the cheap car, we read. Yes; but it is just as well not to say it when there are women and children around.
Mother: It is rude to whisper, Humphrey.
Humphrey (aged five): Well, I was saying what a funny nose that man’s got. So you see it would have been much ruder if I’d said it aloud.
She (pouting): You don’t value my kisses as you used to.
He: Value them? Why, before we were married I used to expect a dozen in payment for a box of candy, and now I consider only one of them sufficient payment for a new dress.