In That Case
She: “When one is really thirsty, there is nothing so good as pure, cold water.”
He: “I guess I have never been really thirsty.”
A Qualified Statement
“Well! we’ve missed that confounded train. What time will the next one be here?”
“If the engine doesn’t break down, and the track doesn’t spread, and they don’t run into any cows, and the up-freight isn’t behind time, and the swing bridge isn’t open, it ought to be here in about two hours.”
The Count: “I weesh to marry your daughtaire, saire! I am vorth one hundred thousand dollaire.”
The Millionaire: “But I thought you were a bankrupt.”
The Count: “I mean zat I am vorth zat moch to you.”
“I suppose your landlord asks a lot for the rent of this place?”
“A lot! He asks me for it nearly every week.”
Mother (to little girl who had been sent to the hen-house for eggs): “Well, dear, were there no eggs?”
Little Girl: “No, mummie, only the one the hens use for a pattern.”
“It’s funny that you should be so tall. Your brother, the artist, is short, isn’t he?”
He (absently): “Yes, usually.”
Urchin (contemptuously): “Huh! Yer mother takes in washin’!”
Neighbor: “Well, yer didn’t s’pose she’d leave it hangin’ aht overnight unless your farver was in prison, did yer?”