Not What She Meant
She: “I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance of their becoming reconciled?”
He: “Oh, they seem to be quite reconciled.”
He: “By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion when I made such an awful ass of myself?”
She: “Which?”
Jones (who is of an inquiring mind): “Ain’t you getting tired of hearing people say, ‘That is the beautiful Miss Belsize!’?”
Miss Belsize (a professional beauty): “Oh, no. I’m getting tired of hearing people say, ‘Is that the beautiful Miss Belsize?’”
Mrs. Montague Smart (suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened his lips since he was introduced to her a quarter of an hour ago): “And now let us talk of something else!”
Mamma: “It’s very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to supper?”
Fair Debutante (who has a fine healthy appetite): “Oh, yes, Mamma—several people!”
Guest: “Well, good-bye, Old Man!—and you’ve really got a very nice little place here!”
Host: “Yes; but it’s rather bare, just now. I hope the trees will have grown a good bit before you’re back, Old Man!”
She: “No! I can’t give you another dance. But I’ll introduce you to the prettiest girl in the room!”
He: “But I don’t want to dance with the prettiest girl in the room. I want to dance with you!”
“I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One word more and I—I withdraw my overdraft.”
Wife (at upper window): “Where you bin this hour of the night?”
“I’ve bin at me union, considerin’ this ’ere strike.”
“Well—you can stay down there an’ consider this ’ere lock-out.”
Motor-Launch Officer (who has rung for full-speed without result): “What’s the matter?”
Voice-from below: “One of the cylinders is missing, Sir.”
Commander: “Well, look sharp and find the bally thing—we want to get on.”
Mother: “Did you remember to pray for everybody, dear?”
Daughter: “Well, Mummy, I prayed for you, but Jack prayed for Daddy. He’s looking after him just now.”