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Jokes For All Occasions

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The painter was required to render an itemized bill for his repairs on various pictures in a convent. The statement was as follows:

Corrected and renewed the Ten Commandments6.00
Embellished Pontius Pilate and put a new ribbon on his bonnet3.06
Put a new tail on the rooster of St. Peter and mended his bill4.08
Put a new nose on St. John the Baptist and straightened his eye2.06
Replumed and gilded the left wing of the Guardian Angel5.06
Washed the servant of the High Priest and put carmine on his cheeks2.04
Renewed Heaven, adjusted ten stars, gilded the sun and cleaned the moon8.02
Reanimated the flames of Purgatory and restored some souls3.06
Revived the flames of Hell, put a new tail on the devil, mended his left hoof and did several odd jobs for the damned4.10
Put new spatter-dashes on the son of Tobias and dressing on his sack2.00
Rebordered the robe of Herod and readjusted his wig3.07
Cleaned the ears of Balaam’s ass, and shod him2.08
Put earrings in the ears of Sarah5.00
Put a new stone in David’s sling, enlarged Goliath’s hand and extended his legs2.00
Decorated Noah’s Ark1.20
Mended the shirt of the Prodigal Son, and cleaned the1.00
———
53.83

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