Artemus Ward on Reorganization — 475
Artemus Ward, in one of his letters, thus gives his idea of reorganization:—“I never attempted to reorganize my wife but once. I shall never attempt it again. I’d bin to a public dinner, and had allowed myself to be betrayed into drinkin’ several people’s health, and wishin’ to make ’em as robust as possible, I continued drinkin’ their healths until my own became affected. Consekens was, I presented myself at Betsy’s bedside late at nite, with considerable licker concealed about my person. I had somehow got perseschum of a hosswhip on my way home, and rememberin’ some cranky observashuns of Mrs. Ward’s in the morin’, I snapt the whip putty lively, and in a very loud voice I said, Betsy—I continued crackin’ the whip over the bed—I have come to reorganize you! I dreamed that nite that sumbody laid a hosswhip over me sev’ril conseckootive times; and when I woke up I found she had. I haint drunk much of anythin’ since, and if I ever have another reorganizin’ job on hand I shall let it out.”