Wise Laws — By Sam Slick — 436
If a woman was to put a Bramah lock on her heart, a skilful man would find his way into it, if he wanted to, I know. That contrivance is set to a particular word; find the letters that compose it, and it opens at once.
If a man’s sensibility is all in his palate, he can’t, of course, have much in his heart.
I tell you what, President, says I, seein’ is believin’, but it aint them that stare the most who see the best always.
Thunderin’ long words aint wisdom, and stopping a critter’s mouth is more apt to improve his wind than his onderstandin’.
Swapping facts is better than swapping horses any time.
Providence requires three things of us before it will help us—a stout heart, a strong arm, and a stiff upper lip.
Hope is a pleasant acquaintance, but an unsafe friend. It’ll do on a pinch for a travellin’ companion, but he is not the man for your banker.
“Don’t care” won’t bear friendship for fruit, and “don’t know, I’m sure,” won’t ripen it.
What a pity it is marryin’ spoils courtin’.
There’s no pinnin’ up a woman in a corner, unless she wants to be caught, that’s a fact.
Consait grows as nateral as the hair on one’s head, but it’s longer in comin’ out.
People have no right to make fools of themselves, unless they have no relations to blush for them.
It ‘aint every change that’s a reform, that’s a fact, and reforms ‘aint always improvements.
Blushin’ for others is the next thing to taking a kicking from them.