§ 362 Examples of the Higher Criticism
Whenever actors get together it is almost inevitable that sooner or later the subject of dramatic criticism will come up and that someone present will quote a notice favorable or unfavorable—but generally favorable—touching on his own work.
No symposium of this sort is complete without reference to the instance of tact displayed in print by a local reporter on a certain historic occasion in a small middle-Western city when ambitious non-professionals gave an incredibly awful performance of a classic drama. The newspaper man who had been detailed to cover the performance was wishful to avoid giving offence to the members of the cast yet, in honesty, he could say nothing complimentary. So he merely wrote this:
“For the benefit of the new hospital fund, our leading amateurs presented ‘Lady Audley’s Secret’ at the theatre last night before a large audience of our best townspeople. The orchestra rendered several pleasing selections and the acoustics of the hall were never better.”
Then there is the famous criticism done by an editor in Rising Sun, Indiana, when a certain native-born prodigy essayed the rôle of the melancholy Dane. The criticism ran something like this:
“Among scholars there has long been a dispute as to whether the works attributed to Shakespeare were written by Shakespeare or by Bacon. The editor of this paper has hit upon a satisfactory way of settling for all time this ancient question. Let the tombs of both be opened. The one who turned over in his grave last night was the author of Hamlet!”
I am reminded also of what Kin Hubbard, better known as “Abe Martin,” had to say years ago of a certain theatrical entertainment. For brevity and yet for completeness I think it would be hard to beat this:
“Al Jeffreys’ ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin Company’ played at the opera-house last night. The Siberian blood hound was badly supported.”
Hap Ward, the comedian, furnishes one from his own experience:
“We were playing a one-night stand in Oregon,” said Hap. “On the morning following the performance I found a notice of our show on the front page of the town paper. The opening sentence was promising—I smiled to myself as I saw it. For it read as follows:
“‘Ward and Vokes’ show, as given here last night, was not half bad.’
“Then I read the second sentence and quit smiling.
“‘On the contrary, it was all bad!’”