Humour, Wit, and Satire of the Seventeenth Century

The beggars Chorus in the Jovial Crew.

To an excellent New Tune.²²⁸

[119.]There was a jovial Beggar,

he had a wooden Leg,

Lame from his Cradle,

and forced for to Beg;

And a Begging we will go, we'll go, we'll go,

And a Begging we will go.

A Bag for my Oatmeal,

another for my Salt,

A little pair of Crutches,

to see how I can halt;

And a Begging, &c

A Bag for my Bread,

another for my Cheese,

A little Dog to follow me,

to gather what I leese.

And a Begging &c

A Bag for my Wheat,

another for my Rye,

A little Bottle by my side,

to drink when I'm a dry.

And a Begging we will go, we'll go, we'll go,

And a Begging we will go.

To Pimlico we'll go,

where merry we shall be,

With ev'ry Man, a Can in's hand,

and a Wench upon his knee.

And a Begging &c

Seven years I served

my old Master Wild,

Seven years I begged

whilst I was but a Child

And a begging &c

I had the pretty knack

for to wheedle and to cry,

By young and by old

much pitied e'er was I.

And a begging &c

Fatherless and Motherless

still was my Complaint,

And none that ever saw me

but took me for a Saint.

And a begging &c

I begg'd for my Master,

and got him store of Pelf,

But Jove now be praised,

I now beg for myself.

And a begging &c

Within a hollow Tree

I live, and pay no Rent,

Providence provides for me,

and I am well content.

And a begging &c

Of all occupations

a Beggar lives the best,

For when he is a weary,

he'll lie him down and rest.

And a begging &c

I fear no Plots against me,

but live in open Cell;

Why who woud be a King

when a Beggar lives so well?

And a begging &c.

Printed for R. Brooksby at the Golden Ball in Pye-Corner.

²²⁸ For tune, see Appendix.

[67.] A Company went to an Inne without money, when ye reckoning was to be pay'd, one called his hostesse, asking her what it was: she said two shillings. Then he askt her what one should pay for bloodshed: she answered ten groats. Then, said he, cut my finger and give me y^e rest²²⁹ againe.

²²⁹ i.e. give me the change.

[52.] One Dromo, a certaine Tiler, sitting upon a ridge of a House, laying on certaine roofe tiles, looking backe, and reaching somewhat too far for a little morter, that lay by him, fell backward and by good hap, fell upon a man that was sitting under the house, whom with his fall he bruised to death, but thereby saved his owne life. Not many dayes after, a sonne of the dead mans, caused this man to be apprehended for murther, and, having him before the Judge, cried unto the Judge for justice: who asking the prisoner what hee could say for himselfe, received this answer. Truly, Sir, I never thought the man any hurt, neither did I thinke to fall: but since it was my hap to hit upon him to save my life, if it please your Lordship, I am contented that he shall have justice; for my selfe, I had no malice to his father, though I see he hath a great deale to me: but let him doe his worst, I care not, I aske no favour: let him go up to the top of the house where I sate, and I will sit where his father sate; let him fall from the place as cunningly as hee can, and fall upon mee to save his life, I will bee contented. The Judge seeing the mans innocency, and how farre he was from intent of any evill to the man whom he had slaine, willed the complainant to take this course for his contentment: which he refusing, was dismissed the Court, and the Prisoner thus by his wity answer released.

[110.] There was a certaine farmer that lost forty pounds betwixt Cambridge and London, and being so great a summe, he made proclamation in all market Townes there abouts, that whosoever had found forty and five pounds, should have the five pounds for his labour for finding it, and therefore he put in the five pound more than was lost. It was Maister Hobsons fortune to find the same sum of forty pounds, and brought the same to the baylive of Ware & required the five pounds for his paines, as it was proclaymed. When the country farmer understood this, and that he must needs pay five pounds for the finding, he sayd that there was in the purse five and forty pounds, and so would hee have his owne mony and five pounds over. So long they strove, that the matter was brought before a Justice of the Peace, which was one Maister Fleetwood, who after was Recorder of London; but when Maister Fleetwood understood by the bayleife that the proclamation was made for a purse of five and forty pound, he demanded where it was. Here, quoth the baylie, and gave it him. Is it just forty pound? said Maister Fleetwood. Yes truly, (quoth the bayleife) Here maister Hobson, sayd Ma. Fleetwood, take you this mony for it is your owne, and if you chance to find a purse of five and forty pound, bring it to this honest farmer. That is mine, quoth the farmer, for I lost just forty pound. You speake too late (quoth Maister Fleetwood). Thus the farmer lost the mony, and maister Hobson had it according to justice.

[67.] Mr. French the King's Fisher, beeing a Widower, married a young woman, and shortly died, on whom one made this distich.

By fish hee liv'd, by fish hee thriv'd,

He touched y^e flesh, and so hee died.

[103.] An Alderman of Norwich, having a Maid servant Married from his House, went two or three Years after to see her, and ask'd (amongst other things) how many Children she had? Truly Sir, says she, none. O Lord, replys he, what should be the reason of that? I don't know, says the Woman. Alas! adds the Old Fellow, now I remember me, your Mother had none.

[105.] After a while Scogin came to London, hee married a young woman, taking her for a maid, as other men doe. At last he thought to prove his wife, and fained himselfe sicke. Oh good wife, saies he, I will shew you a thing, and if you will promise me to conceale it. She said, Sir, you may tell mee what you will, I were worse than accursed, if I should disclose your counsell: O wife, said Scogin, I had a great pang to day in my sicknesse, for I did parbrake,²³⁰ and cast out a Crow. A Crow? said shee. Yea, said Scogin, God helpe me. Be of good comfort said she, you shall recover and doe well. Well wife, said Scogin, goe to Church and pray for me: shee went to the Church, and by & by one of her gossips met with her and asked how her husband did. I wis,²³¹ said she, a sore sick man he is, and like to die, for there is an evill signe and token in him. What is that, Gossip? said shee. Nay, by gisse,²³² I will not tell it to any man alive. What, said the woman, you may tell me, for I will never bewray your counsell. By gisse, said Scogin's wife, if I wist that you wold keep my counsel, I wold tel you. Then said the woman, whatsoever you doe tell, I will lay it dead under my feet. Oh, said Scogins wife, my husband parbraked two Crowes. Jesus, said the woman, I never heard of such a thing. This woman as she did meet with another gossip of hers, shewed that Scogin had parbraked three Crowes. So it went on from one gossip to another, that ere Mattens were finished, all the parish knew that Scogin had parbraked twenty Crowes. And when the Priest was ready to goe into the Pulpit, one came to request him and all the Parish to pray for Scogin, for he had parbraked twenty Crowes. The Priest blessed him and said to the Parishioners, I doe pray you pray for Scogin, for he is in perill of his life, and hath parbraked 21 Crowes. By and by one went to Scogin, and said, Sir, is it as it is spoken in the Church of you? What is that, said Scogin. The Priest said in the Pulpit that you parbraked 21 Crowes. Said Scogin, what a lie is this? By & by the bels were told for sacring, and Scogin hied him to Church, lustily and merry, and when the men and women did see him in the Church, they looked upon one another, and marvelled of this matter. After Masse, Scogin asked what were they that they should bring such a tale upon him. At last the matter was so boulted out, that the original of the cause began at Scogins wife.

²³⁰ Or parbreak, to vomit.

²³¹ Suppose or think.

²³² An oath, a corruption of Jesus.

[17.] A poor Countrey Boy came up to London to be an Apprentice to a Cobler, and seeing the Lord Mayors show, and hearing that Sir Simon Eyre who formerly was Lord Mayor, had been apprentice to a Shoemaker; one said to him, Is not this a brave show: I, says the Boy, 'tis this we must all come to.

[4.] A silly old fellow meeting his God son, ask'd whither he was going? To School, said the Boy: That's well, said he, there's a Penny for you; Be a good Boy, and mind your Book, and I hope I shall live to hear thee Preach my Funeral Sermon.

[94.] It was said by one, that a Hangman had a contemplative Profession, because he was never at work, but he was put in minde of his own end.

[94.] Why do Ladies so affect slender wastes, said one? 'Tis (replied another) because their Expences may not be too great.

[67.] John Hall, beeing in a sheete (of printing, or writing) called, Knave, is said to have Carried it to y^e Vice Ch.(ancellor) Dr Gouch to complaine, who beeing walking in his garden, and vexed that hee would trouble him w^th such a frivolous matter, tare y^e sheete & cast it abroad. John gathers up all ye pieces: y^e D^r demanded why? Hee answered, I would bee loth to leave y^e Knave in your worship's garden.

[94.] One commending a Taylor for his dexterity in his Profession; another standing by, ratified his opinion, saying, Taylors had their business at their fingers ends.