Humour, Wit, and Satire of the Seventeenth Century

The Unfortunate Welch Man or The Untimely Death of Scotch Jockey.

If her will Fight, her cause to right,

as daring to presume

To Kill and Slay, then well her may

take this to be her Doom.

To the Tune of The Country Farmer.

This may be Printed R.P.

[92.]Stout Shonny-ap-Morgan to London would ride,

To seek Cousen Taffie whatever betide;

Her own Sisters Son, whom her loved so dear,

Her had not beheld him this many long year:

Betimes in the morning stout Shonny arose,

And then on the Journey with Courage her goes,

A Cossit¹⁶³ of Gray was the best of her Close,

Her Boots they were out at the heels and the toes.

A Sword by her side, and with Bob the Gray Mare,

Her rid on the Road like a Champion so rare;

At last how it happened to her hard Lot,

To meet with young Jockey, a bonny brisk Scot;

Then Jockey was jolly, and thus he did say,

Let's gang to the Tavern, drink wine by my fay,

Then Shonny consented, and made no delay,

But Jockey left Shonny the Reckoning to pay.

While Morgan was merry, and thinking no ill,

The Scotchman he used the best of his skill;

Considering how he might scamper away,

For why Sir, he never intended to pay:

But like a false Loon he slipt out of door,

And never intended to come there no more,

Poor Shonny-ap-Morgan, was left for the Score,

Cotzo her was never so served before.

Her paying the Shot, then away her went,

The Welch blood was up, and her mind was bent,

For speedy pursuing he then did prepare,

Then Morgan did mount upon Bob the Gray Mare:

Then Whip and Spur stout Shonny did ride,

And overtook Jockey near to a Wood side,

And pull'd out her Sword in the height of her Pride,

And wounded poor Jockey who presently dy'd.

Then Shonny was taken and hurry'd to Jail,

Where her till the Sessions did weep and bewail;

And then at the last, by the Laws of the Land,

Was brought to the Bar to hold up her Hand;

O good her Lord Shudge poor Shonny did cry,

Now Whip her, and send her to Wales her Country;

Or cut off a Leg, or an Arm, or an Eye,

For her is undone, if Condemned to dye.

But this would not do, poor Shonny was cast,

And likewise received her sentence at last;

A Gentleman Robber just at the same time,

Received just Sentence then due for his Crime;

Then Shonny-ap-Morgan her shed many tears,

Her heart was possessed with sorrow and fears,

The Gentleman Thief likewise hung down his ears,

For then he expected his antient Arrears.

The day being come, they must both bid adieu,

Forsaking the world and the rest of their Crew;

The Spark was attir'd so gallant and gay,

But Shonny was poor, and in ragged array:

And when they came both to the Gibbet Tree,

The Gentleman gave to the Hangman a Fee,

And said, let this Welch man Hang farther from me,

So vile and so ragged a Rascal is he.

The Welch-man he heard him, and was in a rage,

That nothing almost, could his anger asswage;

But fretting and chaffing, he thus did begin,

Her will make her to know that her came of good kin;

Besides her will tell her her hearty belief,

That her is no more than a Gentleman Thief,

That robbed on the Roads, and the Plain and the Heath,

Her now will Hang by her in spight of her teeth.

FINIS.

Printed for J. Deacon at the Angel in Guiltspur Street.

¹⁶³? Corset.

[82.] A Country fellow (that had not walked much in streets that were paved) came to London, where a dog came suddenly out of a house, and furiously ran at him: the fellow stooped to take up a stone to cast at the Dog, and finding them all fast rammed, or paved in the ground; quoth hee, what strange Country am I in? where the people tye up the stones, and let the dogs loose.

[93.] George (Peele), with others of his Associates, being mery together at the Taverne, having more store of Coyne than usually they did possesse; although they were regardlesse of their silver, yet they intended for a season to be good husbands, if they knew how to be sparing of that their pockets were then furnished withall: Five pounds they had amongst them, and a plot must be cast how they might bee merrie with extraordinarie cheere three or foure dayes, and keepe their five pounds whole in stocke: George Peele was the man must doe it, or none, and generally they coniured him by their loves, his owne credit, and the reputation that went on him, that he would but in this shew his wit: and, withall, hee should have all the furtherance that in them lay. George as easie, as they earnest, to be wonne to such an exploit, consented and gathered their money together, and gave it all to George, who should be their purse bearer, and the other foure should seeme as servants to George Peele and the better to colour it, they should goe change their cloakes, the one like the other, so neere as they could possible: the which, at Beelzebub's brother, the Broker's, they might quickly doe: This was soone accomplished, and George was furnished with his blacke Sattin suit, and a paire of bootes, which were as familiar to his legges, as the pillory to a Bakers or Colliers¹⁶⁴ necke, and hee sufficiently possest his friends with the whole scope of his intent, as, gentle Reader, the sequell will shew. Instantly they tooke a paire of Oares, whose armes were to make a false gallop no further than Brainford, where their faire was paid to them so liberally, that each of them the next tide to London, purchased two new wastcoates, yet should these good benefactors come to their usuall places of trade, and if they spie a better fare than their owne, that happily the Gentleman hath more minde to goe withall, they will not onely fall out with him that is of their owne sweet transporters, as they are, but abuse the fare they carrie with foule speeches, as, a Pox, or the Devill go with you: as their Godfather Caron the Ferry-man of Hell hath taught them. I speake not this of all, but of some that are brought up in the East, some in the West, some in the North, but most part in the South: but for the rest they are honest compleat men, leaving them to come to my honest George; who is now merry at the three Pigeons¹⁶⁵ in Braineford, with Sacke and Sugar, not any wine wanting, the Musicians playing, my host drinking, my hostis dauncing with the worshipfull Justice, for so then he was tearmed, and his Mansion house in Kent, who came thither of purpose to be merry with his men; because he could not so conveniently neere home, by reason of a shrewish wife he had: my gentle hostis gave him all the entertainment the house could afford, for M. Peele had paid royally; for all his five pounds was come to ten groats. Now George Peele's wit labors to bring in that five pounds there was spent, which was soone begotten. Being sot at dinner, My host, quoth George, how fals the Tyde out for London; not till the evening, quoth mine Hoste, have you any businesse, Sir? Yes, marry, quoth George, I intend not to goe home this two dayes: Therefore, my Hoste, saddle my man a horse for London, if you be so well furnished, for I must send him for one bag more, quoth George, ten pounds hath seen no Sunne this six moneths. I am ill furnished if I cannot furnish you with that, quoth my Hoste, and presently sadled him a good Nag, and away rides one of George's men to London, attending the good house of his Master Peele in London; In the meane time George bespeakes great cheare to Supper, saying he expected some of his friends from London. Now you must imagine there was not a peny owing in the house, for he had paid as liberall as Cæsar, as far as Cæsar's wealth went. For indeed most of the money was one Cæsar's an honest man yet living in London: but to the Catastrophe. All the day before, had one of the other men of George Peele been a great soliciter to my Hostis, she would beg leave of his Master he might go see a Maid, a sweet heart of his, so farre as Kingstone, and before his Master went to bed, he would returne againe; saying he was sure shee might command it at his Masters hands. My kinde Hostis willing to pleasure the yong fellow, knowing in her time what belonged to such matters, went to Master Peele, and moved him in it: which he angerly refused. But she was so earnest in it, that shee swore hee should not deny her, protesting he went but to see an uncle of his some five miles off. Marry, I thanke you, quoth George, my good Hostis, would you so discredit me, or hath the knave no more wit, than at this time to goe, knowing I have no horse here, and would he, base cullian, go afoot? Nay, good Sir, quoth mine Hostis, be not angry, it is not his intent to goe afoot; for hee shall have my Mare, and I will assure you, Sir, upon my word, he shall be here againe, to have you to bed. Wel, quoth George, Hostis Ile take you at your word, let him goe, his negligence shall light upon you. So be it, quoth mine Hostis: so down goeth she, and sends away civill Thomas, for so she cal'd him, to his sweet heart backt upon her Mare: which Thomas instead of riding to Kingstone, tooke London in his way, where, meeting with my other horseman, attended the arrivall of George Peele, which was not long after. They are at London, George in his Chamber at Brainford, accompanied with none but one Anthony Nit, a Barber, who Din'd and Sup't with him continually, of whom he had borowed a Lute to passe away the melancholy afternoone, of which he could play as well as Banke's¹⁶⁶ his horse. The Barber very modestly takes his leave; George obsequiously bids him to supper, who (God willing) would not faile. George being left alone with his two supposed men, gave them the meane how to escape, and, walking in the Court, George found fault with the weather, saying it was rawish, and cold: which words mine Hostis hearing, my kinde Hostis fetched her Husbands holiday Gowne; which George thankfully put about him, and withall called for a cup of Sacke, after which he would walke into the Meddowes, and practise upon his Lute. 'Tis good for your worship to do so, quoth mine Hostis: which walk George took directly to Sion,¹⁶⁷ where, having the advantage of a paire of Oares at hand, made this Journey to London, his two Associates behind, had the plot in their heads by Georges instruction for their escape: for they knew he was gone; my Hostis, she was in the Market buying of provision for Supper: mine Hoste he was at Tables,¹⁶⁸ and my two masterlesse men desired the maids to excuse them if their Master came, for, quoth they, we will goe drinke two pots with my Smug Smithes wife at old Brainford. I warrant you, quoth the Maides. So away went my men to the Smith's at old Brainford; from thence to London, where they all met, and sold the Horse and the Mare, the Gowne and the Lute, which money was as badly spent, as it was lewdly got. How my Hoste and my Hostis lookt when they saw the event of this; goe but to the three Pigeons at Brainford, you shall know.

¹⁶⁴ Now termed coal merchants.

¹⁶⁵ This sign, which exists at Brentford now, was that of a famous house at that time. It is noticed in the old comedy of "The Roaring Girl, or the Catchpole," thus—

"Thou art admirably suited for the Three Pigeons

At Brentford; I swear I know thee not."

And Ben Jonson in his "Alchemist" makes Subtle say to Doll Common, "We will turn our course to Brainford, westward, if thou saist the word.... My fine flitter-mouse^165a my bird o' the night, wee'll tickle it at the pigeons." It has been suggested, with some show of probability, that this sign took its origin from the three doves which Noah sent out from the ark.

^165a A bat.

¹⁶⁶ See footnote, p. 125. (Footnote 77)

¹⁶⁷ Sion House, now the seat of the Duke of Northumberland, is opposite the western end of Kew Gardens.

¹⁶⁸ Backgammon, or any other games played on the same board.

[94.] Two being in a Tavern, the one swore the other should pledge him: why then, quoth the other, I will; who went presently down the stairs, and left him as a pledge for the Reckoning.

[91.] First my mother brought me forth, when shortly after, I, the Daughter, bring forth my mother againe.

Resolution. Of water is first made ice, which afterwards melts, and brings forth water againe, and so the daughter brings forth the mother, as the mother first the daughter.