Her Own Fault
Mistress: “Mary, don’t let me catch you kissing the grocer’s boy again.”
Mary: “Lor’, mum, I don’t mean to, but you do bob around so.”
A Poser
A new sentry was on guard outside the residence of a general; a small green was in front of the house and the strict orders were that no one was to cross it, human or otherwise, save the General’s cow. An old lady coming to visit, bent her steps across the lawn as a short cut, but was called on by the sentry asking her to return. She was not unnaturally somewhat put out and said, with a stately air, “But do you know who I am?” “I don’t know who you be, ma’am,” replied the immovable sentry, “but I knows you b’aint—you b’aint the General’s cow!”