Fore!
An excellent substitute for golf is swatting flies. Although it does not take one out in the open air, it provides more excitement. The full course may be played over in a nine-room apartment, playing from parlor to kitchen and back again, but good sport may be had in a six-room flat. Four or five slapsticks of varying shapes and widths are all the clubs required, and the following suggestions may be useful to those who wish to take up the new sport.
If the fly is on a table top or other broad surface, a mashie may be used. If on a curtain, use the driver and follow through with stroke; this being the only chance to employ the follow-through. If the fly is on light or expensive wall-paper, take a niblick. This is a difficult shot, as the fly must be lifted clear of the wall, after which he is holed out with the putter.
If the fly is on the side of a valuable vase or other bric-à-brac, the putter and a delicate wrist are required. The swing must be checked the instant the fly is crushed and before the club reaches the china. A coffee cup, such as is found in a quick lunchery, is a good thing to practise on. In fact, that is just the place to practise putting.