Happy Hints for Gloomy Golfers
A large percentage of golf gloom arises from slicing. A golfer’s idea of hell is to stand on a hot tee for a million years and slice balls out of bounds. The chronic slicer is a wretched figure and he falls as low as he can when, giving up hope of ever hitting a straight ball, he aims a quarter of a mile to the left of the flag.
There are at least seven causes of slicing. The commonest is the vicious practice of bringing the clubhead down outside the line of the ball’s flight. This imparts a rotary motion to the ball, and the flight of it describes a crescent. You do this nine times out of ten. But do not despair; we can help you. We can teach you to hit inside the line.
Buy from a commission merchant a basket of very, very bad eggs, and give these to the caddy to carry. When you tee your ball, or come up to it on the fairgreen, place an egg about three inches away from the ball and an inch or so back of it. Now swing, being careful to keep the clubhead from straying beyond the line, otherwise you will smash the egg and scatter the malodorous contents. Before a dozen eggs are broken you will quit slicing or be asked to resign from the club.
If the egg remedy fails, procure a piece of dynamite and use that instead. This will effect a permanent cure.
L. E. B. says his wife claims to be a Class A-plus golf widow. When she passes to her reward she hopes it will be early in the week, so the incident will not interfere with husband’s Sunday golf.
Florence quotes from one of H. G. Wells’s slams at golf, concluding with, “The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.”
“I play a beastly game,” adds Florence; “how about you?” Oh, a regular Chippendale of a game, my dear.
Sir: I am sure I saw her on the golf course one windy day. We offer her the privilege of our course for entire season if she will agree to keep herself in shape.
Chairman Entertainment Committee.
The consensus of our readers seems to be that the maiden whose legs are “noticeably bowed” should take up golf, as she would likely develop a peach of a game.
Sir: Sunday I looked at the hole and missed the putt. At the nineteenth hole I looked at the ball four times and was then eighty cents in the hole.
C. S. P.