Chap. V In Which Is Continued the Famous Adventure of the Afflicted Duenna
The duke and duchess were exceedingly rejoiced to see Don Quixote’s behaviour correspond so well with their design. Sancho interposing, ‘I wish,’ said he, ‘this Madam Duenna may not throw some stumbling-block in the way of my government; for I have heard an apothecary of Toledo, who talked like any goldfinch, observe, that nothing good could happen where duennas interfered. Lord help us! what a spite that same apothecary had to the whole tribe; from whence I conclude that seeing duennas of all qualities and degrees whatsoever are offensive and impertinent, what must those be who are afflicted, which they say is the case with this Trifaldis177, or three-tailed countess? for, in my country, skirts and tails, and tails and skirts, are the same thing.’—‘Hold your tongue, friend Sancho,’ said Don Quixote: ‘this lady, who is come in quest of me from remote countries, cannot be one of those to whom the apothecary alluded, especially as she is a countess; and when ladies of that rank serve as duennas, it must be under queens and empresses; for in their own houses they are honoured with the title of Ladyship, and have other duennas in their service.’
To this remark Donna Rodriguez, who was present, replied, ‘My lady duchess has duennas in her service, who might have been countesses, had it pleased fortune; but the law’s measure is the king’s pleasure; and let no body speak disrespectfully of duennas, especially of those who are ancient and maidens; for although I am not of that class, I can easily perceive and comprehend the advantage a maiden duenna has over one that is a widow: and he that undertakes to hear us, will have no easy talk to perform.’—’And yet, for all that,’ replied Sancho, ‘if my barber’s word may be taken, you duennas require so much to be shorn, that—You had better not stir the porridge though it stick to the pot.’—‘The squires are always our enemies,’ answered Donna Rodriguez: ‘they are imps of the antichamber, who are every minute making a jest of us; and except when they are at prayers, which is not often the case, their whole time is spent in back-biting, disinterring our bones, and interring our reputation. But let met tell those moving blocks, that, in spite of all they can do, we will live in the world, aye, in noble families, though we should die of hunger, and clothe our delicate or indelicate bodies with a black shroud, as they cover or shade a dunghill with tapestry on a day of procession. In good faith! if I were allowed, and the time required it, I could demonstrate not only to those who are now present, but likewise to the whole world, that there is no kind of virtue which does not center in a duenna.’—‘I believe there is reason, and a great deal of reason, in what the worthy Donna Rodriguez observes,’ said the duchess; ‘but she must wait for a proper opportunity to appear in behalf of herself and other duennas, and confute the ill opinion of that malicious apothecary, as well as to eradicate those sentiments from the breast of the mighty Sancho Panza.’ To this remark the squire replied: ‘Since the fumes of a governor have expelled the vapours of a squire, I value not all the duennas upon earth a fig’s end.’
They would have proceeded with this duennian conference, had not they heard again the sound of the fife and drums, which announced the entrance of the afflicted duenna. The duchess asked the duke, if it would be proper to advance and receive her, as she was a countess and person of quality. ‘With regard to her being a countess,’ said Sancho, before the duke could reply, ‘it would be right for your graces to go and receive her; but in respect to her being a duenna, I think you should not move a step.’—‘Who taught thee to interfere in such matters?’ said Don Quixote. ‘Who, Signior?’ replied Sancho, ‘I interfere, because I am qualified to interfere, as a squire who has learned all the punctilios of courtesy in the school of your worship, who is the most courteous and best-bred knight that ever the province of courtesy produced; and in these matters, as I have heard your worship observe, the game is as often lost by a card too many as one too few; but a word to the wise is sufficient.’—‘It is even so as Sancho has remarked,’ said the duke; ‘let us first see a specimen of the countess, and from that sample consider what courtesy she deserves.’
At that instant the fifer and drummers entered as before:—and here the author concludes this short chapter, in order to begin another with the sequel of the same adventure, which is among the most remarkable of the whole history.
END OF THE THIRD VOLUME.