Chap. V Giving an Account of the Manner in Which Don Quixote — Took Leave of the Duke; and of What Passed Between Him and the Gay and Witty Altisidora, One of the Duchess’s Damsels
By this time Don Quixote thought he would do well to quit that idle way of life which he led in the castle; for he imagined himself much to blame in living thus buried and inactive among those infinite dainties and entertainments with which he, as a knight-errant, was indulged by that noble pair; and he concluded that he would be obliged to give a severe account to Heaven of this idleness and sequestration. He, therefore, one day, begged leave of the duke and duchess to depart; and they granted his request, with marks of being extremely grieved at his intention. The duchess delivered to Sancho Panza his wife’s letter, and the good squire wept bitterly when he understood the contents; saying, ‘Who could have thought such mighty hopes as were engendered in the breast of my wife Teresa Panza, by the news of my government, would vanish in my returning again to the woeful adventures of my master Don Quixote de La Mancha? Nevertheless, I am pleased to find that my Teresa behaved like herself, in sending the acorns to the duchess; for had she failed in that particular, I should have been sorely vexed, and she would have shewn herself ungrateful: what comforts my poor heart is, that they cannot call this present a bribe; for I was actually in possession of the government before the acorns were sent: and it is but reasonable, that folks who receive any sort of benefit should shew their gratitude, even though in trifles. In effect, naked I took possession of the government, and naked I resigned my office; therefore, I may say with a safe conscience, which is no small boast, I naked was born, and naked remain; and if I lose nothing, as little I gain.’
This conference Sancho held with his own bosom on the day of their departure: as for Don Quixote, having taken leave of their graces over-night, he in the morning presented himself armed in the court-yard of the castle, where he furnished a spectacle to all the people of the family, not even excepting the duke and duchess, who viewed him from the gallery. Sancho was mounted upon Dapple, extremely well pleased with the contents of his bags, wallet, or store; for the duke’s steward, who acted the part of the Countess Trifaldi, had given him a small purse of two hundred crowns, to answer the emergencies of the road: but of this supply Don Quixote was ignorant. While every individual, as we have said, stood gazing at the knight, all of a sudden, from among the other duennas and damsels of the duchess, the gay and witty Altisidora, raising her voice, pronounced what follows, in a lamentable tone.
‘Ah! hear my plaint, unlucky knight,
Pull in thy rein, and do me right;
And pr’ythee spare, at my request,
The flanks of that poor batter’d beast.
Consider she whose heart’s at stake,
False man! is not a scaly snake;
But a young lambkin, meek and true,
Just wean’d from teat of mother ewe.
Say, monster, why undo a maid
More beautiful than ever stray’d
With Cynthia, huntress of the wood,
Or Venus, native of the flood?
But Æneas-like thou mean’st to fly,
The death of Barrabas may Quixote die!
‘Thou, robber! in thy claws hast got
The heart and bowels, and what not,
Of a weak virgin, Heav’n befriend her!
Mild, humble, timorous, and tender.
Three linen night-caps hast thou stole,
And silken garters strong and whole,
That to these legs did appertain;
These legs, as marble smooth and clean.
Thou carriest off two thousand sighs,
Which, kindled by thy beaming eyes,
Would in a twinkling quite destroy
Two thousand cities great as Troy.
But if Æneas-like thou mean’st to fly,
The death of Barrabas may Quixote die!
‘May Sancho’s buttocks, and his heart,
Ne’er feel the ignominious smart
Prescrib’d, when he is pleas’d and ready
To disinchant thy fav’rite lady!
Since thine’s the offence, and thine the blame,
Endure the punishment and shame
Which in my country, once a year,
The righteous for the wicked bear.
Be thy adventures (small and great)
Inglorious and unfortunate;
Like dreams may all thy pleasures fade,
Thy constancy oblivion shade;
And if Æneas-like thou mean’st to fly,
The death of Barrabas may Quixote die!
‘May’st thou be deem’d a perjur’d devil,
E’en from Marchena unto Seville;
From Loja to Granada hated,
From London Tow’r to England baited.
At drafts should’st thou attempt to play,
Or waste at ombre all the day,
May no crown’d monarch or spadille
Attend the efforts of thy skill;
When angry corn disturbs thy toe,
May blood at ev’ry paring flow;
And of each tooth the barbers draw,
The stump still fester in thy jaw:
Nay, since Æneaslike thou mean’st to fly,
The death of Barrabas may Quixote die!’
While the afflicted Altisidora complained in these strains, Don Quixote surveyed her attentively; and, without answering a word to her lamentation, turned to Sancho, saying, ‘By the age of thine ancestors, my dear Sancho, I conjure thee to tell me the truth: say, hast thou actually got the three caps and the garters, which this enamoured damsel mentions?’ To this question the squire replied, ‘The three caps I have; but as to the garters, I know nothing of the matter.’
The duchess was surprized at the freedom of Altisidora’s behaviour; for, although she knew her to be forward, merry, and frank, she did not think the girl possessed of assurance enough to attempt a scheme of this nature; and her admiration was the greater, as she had not been previously apprized of the intended joke. The duke, however, in order to reinforce the jest, addressed himself to Don Quixote in these words: ‘It does not look well, Sir Knight, that you who have met with such honourable reception and treatment in this my castle, should presume to carry off by stealth three knight-caps, at least, if not a pair of garters likewise, belonging to my damsel: these are marks of a bad heart, and but ill agree with your reputation. Restore the garters to the right owner; otherwise, I challenge you to mortal combat, without any apprehension that knavish inchanters will transform or change my face, as they have practised upon my lacquey Tosilos, your last antagonist.’
‘God forbid,’ replied Don Quixote, ‘that I should unsheath my sword against your illustrious person, of whom I received such favours! The three night-caps shall be restored; for Sancho owns they are in his custody: but it is impossible to make restitution of the garters, as neither he nor I did ever receive them; and I dare say your damsel will find them, if she will take the trouble to rummage her own drawers. I, my lord duke, was never a thief, and I hope never shall in the whole course of my lite, provided God will not withdraw from me his guiding hand. The damsel, according to her own declaration, talks like an enamoured person; but surely I am not to blame for her impertinence: and, therefore, I have no reason to ask pardon either of her or your excellency, whom I entreat to look upon me with more favourable sentiments, and beseech anew to consent that I may prosecute my journey.’—‘God grant your departure may be so happy,’ said the duchess, ‘that we may always hear good news of Don Quixote’s exploits. Go, then, a God’s name; for the longer you stay, your presence blows up the fire the more fiercely in the bosoms of the damsels who behold you: as for mine, I will chastise her in such a manner, that from henceforward she shall never transgress either in word or deed.’—‘One word more, however, I beg thou wilt hear me speak, O valiant Don Quixote!’ said Altisidora. ‘I crave pardon for having taxed you with the garters; for, as I shall answer to Heaven and my own conscience, they are now upon my legs; and I have been guilty of a mistake, like the man who went in search of his ass, while he was mounted on his back.’—‘Did not I tell you so?’ cried the squire: ‘I should be a rare fellow indeed, to receive and conceal stolen goods; had I been that way inclined, I might have had opportunity enough in my government.’
Don Quixote bowing his head, made a profound reverence to the duke and duchess, and all the spectators; then turning Rozinante, and being followed by Sancho upon Dapple, he set out from the castle, directing his course to Saragossa.