Chap. XVII Of What Happened to Sancho Panza, in Going the Round of His Island
We left the great governor out of humour, and enraged at the same painting country wag, who had received his cue from the duke’s steward and gentleman-sewer, sent thither on purpose to make merry at his expence: nevertheless, he held out toughly against the whole combination, Rude, and brood, and simple as he stood; and addressing himself to all present, and among the rest to Doctor Pedro Positive, who, after the duke’s letter was read, had returned to the hall, ‘Now,’ said he, ‘I am fully convinced that judges and governors are, or ought to be, made of brass, so as that they may not feel the importunity of people of business, who expect to be heard, and dispatched, at all hours and at all seasons, come what will, attending only to their own affairs; and if the poor devil of a judge does not hear and dispatch them, either because it is not in his power, or it happens to be an unseasonable time for giving audience, then they grumble and backbite, gnaw him to the very bones, and even bespatter his whole generation. Ignorant man of business! foolish man of business! be not in such a violent hurry; wait for the proper season and conjuncture, and come not at meals and sleeping time; for judges are made of flesh and blood, and must give to nature that which nature requires, excepting myself, unhappy wretch that I am! who cannot indulge my appetite, thanks to Doctor Pedro Positive Snatchaway here present, who intends that I shall die of hunger, and affirms that such a death is good living, which I pray God may fall to the share of him and all of his kidney! I mean, bad physicians; as for the good, they deserve palms and laurel.’
Every body who knew Sancho was struck with admiration at hearing him talk so elegantly, and could not account for his improvement any other way, than by supposing that posts and places of importance enlarge the faculties of some, while they stupefy the understanding of others. Finally, Doctor Pedro Positive Bodewell de Snatchaway promised to indulge his excellency with a plentiful supper at night, even though he should transgress all the aphorisms of Hippocrates. The governor rested satisfied with this declaration, waiting for the approach of night and supper with great impatience; and although time seemed to stand stock-still, the wished for hour at length arrived, when they treated him with an hachis of beef well onioned, and some calves feet not very fresh: nevertheless, he attacked these dishes with more relish than if he had been served with Milan godwits, Roman pheasants, Sorrento veal, partridges of Moron, or geese of Lavajos: and, in the midst of supper, turning towards his physician, ‘Take notice, doctor,’ said he, ‘that from henceforth you need not take the trouble to provide dainties and delicate dishes for me; they will only serve to unhinge my stomach, which is used to goats flesh, cow beef, and bacon, with turnips and onions; and, if by accident it chances to receive any of your titbits, it contains them with loathing, and sometimes throws them up: but, Master Sewer may bring me those dishes called olla podridas191; and the staler they are, so much the better. In one of these he may croud and cram all the eatables he can think of, and I will thank him for his pains; nay, one day or other, I shall make him amends; and let no man play the rogue with me: either we are or we are not; let us live and eat in harmony and peace; for, when God sends the morning, the light shines upon all. I will govern this island without favour or corruption: and let every body keep a good look-out, and mind his own affairs; for, I would have you to know, the devil’s in the dice192; and if you give me cause, you shall see wonders—yes, yes; make yourself honey, and the flies will bite.’
‘Assuredly, my lord governor,’ said the steward, ‘your lordship hath said nothing but the truth; and I promise, in the name of all the islanders of this island, to serve your lordship with perfect love, benevolence, and punctuality: for, the agreeable sample of government which your lordship hath given in the beginning, leaves us no room to do, or even to conceive, any thing that shall redound to the disgust and detriment of your honour.’—‘I believe what you say,’ replied Sancho; ’and indeed they must be fools to think or act any otherwise. And I say again, let the maintenance of me and my Dapple be taken care of; for that is the main point in this business: and when the time comes, let us go and make the round; my intention is to clear the island from all sort of filth, such as vagabonds, idlers, and immoral people; for I would have you to know, my friends, that your idle and lazy fellows are the same in a commonwealth as drones in a bee-hive, that consume the honey which the industrious labourers have made. My resolution is to protect the farmers and handicrafts-men, maintain the prerogative of gentlemen, reward virtue; and, above all things, respect religion and the honour of the clergy. Tell me, my friends, what is your opinion of my plan? Does it smack of something? or do I thresh my skull to no purpose?’—‘My lord governor,’ said the steward, ‘your lordship speaks so much to the purpose, that I am struck with admiration, to hear a man so illiterate as your lordship (for I believe you do not know your letters) make so many observations full of sagacity, and give counsel so much above every thing that was expected from your lordship’s capacity, by those who sent us, as well as by ourselves who are come hither. Every day produces something new: jokes are turned into earnest, and the biters are bit.’
Night being come, and the governor having supped with the good leave of Doctor Pedro, they prepared for going the round. Accordingly his excellency went forth, accompanied by the steward, notary, gentleman-sewer, and historiographer, whose office it was to record his actions; and attended by such a number of alguazils and scriveners, as would have formed a moderate squadron. Sancho walked in the middle with his rod, and a goodly sight he was to see. Having traversed a few streets, they heard the clashing of swords, upon which hastening to the place of action, they found two men fighting, who, seeing the officers of justice, desisted; and one of them exclaimed, ‘Help, in God’s name, and the king’s! What, are people suffered to be robbed in this town, and assaulted in the very middle of the street?’—‘Compose yourself, honest friend,’ said Sancho, ’and let me know the cause of this quarrel, for I am governor.’ Then his adversary interposing, ‘My lord governor,’ said he, ‘I will tell you the whole story in a few words: Your worship must know, that this gentleman has been at play at that gaming-house over the way, where he has won above a thousand rials, and God knows how fairly; now, I being present, decided more than once in his favour, when the bett was doubtful, against the dictates of my own conscience. He took up his winning, and when I expected he would gratify me with a crown at least, for good will, as players generally make such presents to men of honour like me, who attend in those places, ready at all adventures to support unreasonable demands, and prevent disturbance, he pocketed the cash, and went away; I followed him out of humour, yet in the most courteous manner begged he would indulge me with eight rials, as he knew me to be a gentleman without either business or fortune; for my parents neither bred me up to the one, nor left me the other; and the rascal, who, by the bye, is as great a thief as Cacus, and as arrant a sharper as Andradilla, would not give me a farthing more than four rials; so that, my lord governor, your excellency may perceive what a shameless and unconscionable rogue it is: but in good faith, if your lordship had not come up, I would have made him disgorge his winning, and taught him how to trim the balance.’ When Sancho asked what the other had to say in his own defence, he owned that, as his adversary alledged, he had refused to give him more than four rials, because the plaintiff had often tasted of his bounty; and those who expect such gratifications, ought to be thankful, and take chearfully what their benefactors bestow, without pretending to make peremptory demands upon those who win, unless they know them to be cheats, and that their winning is unfairly acquired. He likewise observed, that there could be no surer mark of his honour and fair play, than his having refused to comply with the demands of such a rascal; for sharpers are always tributary to those lookers-on who know their knavery. ‘The remark is certainly just,’ said the steward: ‘how will your excellency please to dispose of these men?’—‘What must be done, is this,’ replied the governor: ‘You, Mr. Winner, whether you be good, bad, or indifferent, must immediately pay to this here slash-buckler, one hundred rials; and, besides, disburse thirty more for the use and behoof of the poor prisoners—and you, Sir, who have neither business, fortune, or employment in this island, take these hundred rials, and some time to-morrow banish yourself from this island for the space of ten years, on penalty (if you disobey the sentence) of compleating the term of your exile in the other world; for, in that case, I will hang you on a gibbet; at least, the executioner shall do it by my order; and let no man presume to reply, or I will chastise him severely.’ The one disbursed, the other received the rials; this quitted the island, that retired to his own lodgings; and the governor, who remained on the spot, said to his followers, ‘If my power is not very small, I will suppress those gaming-houses, which I begin to perceive are very prejudicial to the publick.’—‘This, at least,’ said the notary, ‘your excellency cannot suppress; for it is kept by a person of quality, who, in the course of the year, loses a great deal more than he gets by the cards. Against petty gaming-houses of small account, which are productive of most mischief, and cover more crimes, your lordship may exert your authority; but, in the houses of noblemen and gentlemen of rank, the noted sharpers dare not put their tricks in practice; and since the vice of gaming is become a common exercise, better play in houses of fashion than in any publick gaming-house, into which an unfortunate wretch is often seduced in the middle of the night, and as it were skinned alive.’—‘Mr. Notary,’ replied the governor, ‘much may be said on that subject.’
Here he was interrupted by the arrival of a serjeant who had fast hold of a youth, and thus addressed himself to the governor: ‘This spark, my lord, was coming towards us; but no sooner had a glimpse of the officers of justice, than he turned his back, and began to scamper off as nimbly as a fallow-deer; a sure sign of his being some sort of a delinquent: I pursued him immediately, but should never have overtaken him, had not he stumbled and fallen.’—‘Young man,’ said Sancho, ‘what did you run for?’ To this question the youth replied, ‘I ran, my lord, in order to avoid the tedious interrogations of justice.’—‘What business do you follow?’—‘I am a weaver.’—’And what sort of stuff do you weave?’—‘Iron heads for lances, with your honour’s leave.’—‘What! you are a small wit, methinks, and set up for a joker! Very well, Sir, and where was you going now?’—‘To take the air, my lord.’—’And whereabouts do you take the air in this island?’—‘Just where it happens to blow.’—‘Good again! your answers are pat; and, to be sure, you are a pretty smart young fellow: but, hark ye, youngster, I am the air that will blow in your poop, until you are safely lodged in prison.—Here, take and order him to gaol, I will take order that he shall sleep for one night without air.’—‘’Fore God!’ cried the youth, ‘your honour can no more make me sleep in gaol, than you can make me king.’—’And wherefore cannot I make thee sleep in gaol?’ replied Sancho; ’is it not in my power to confine and release thee, when and where I please!’—‘How great soever your honour’s power may be,’ said the young man, ‘it is not sufficient to make me sleep in prison.’—‘How! not sufficient?’ cried Sancho: ‘away with him, and let his own eyes convince him of his mistake; and lest the gaoler should practise his interested generosity upon him, I will fine him in two thousand ducats, if he suffers thee to move one step from the prison.’—‘All this is matter of mirth,’ answered the youth; ‘for the truth is, all the people upon earth shall not make me sleep in prison.’—‘Tell me, devil,’ said Sancho, ‘hast thou got a familiar to release thee, and loose the chains with which I intend thou shalt be fettered?’—‘Now, my lord governor,’ replied the youth with a graceful air, ‘let us argue the matter, and come to the point. Suppose your excellency should order me to be carried to gaol, to be loaded with chains and shackles, and thrust into a dungeon, and lay an heavy penalty upon the gaoler, in case he should allow me to escape; and lastly, suppose he should perform his duty with all imaginable care and success; notwithstanding all these precautions, if I have no inclination to sleep, and can keep myself awake all night, without closing an eye, pray tell me, is all your lordship’s power sufficient to make me sleep against my will?’—‘No, surely,’ said the secretary; ’and the young man has made good his assertion.’—‘Provided always,’ said Sancho, ‘that your defying sleep would be merely for your own pleasure, without any intention to contradict mine.’—‘No, my lord,’ replied the youth; ‘I never dreamt of any such intention.’—‘Then, peace be with you,’ resumed the governor, ‘you may go and sleep at home, and God send you a sound sleep, for I have no design to disturb your repose: but let me advise you, never henceforth to crack a joke upon justice; otherwise you may chance to light upon some of her ministers that will crack your scull.’
The youth went away, the governor continued his circuit; and he had not gone far, when two serjeants brought in a person they had taken, saying, ‘My lord governor, this here person that seems to be a man, is no other than a woman, and that not ugly neither, in man’s cloaths.’ Here they held up two or three lanthorns, by the light of which they discovered the face of a woman, seemingly about sixteen years of age, beautiful as a thousand pearls, with her hair tied up in a net of green silk and gold. Having surveyed her from head to foot, they perceived her stockings were of flesh coloured silk, tied with garters of white taffeta, and fringes of gold embroidery; her breeches were of green cloth of gold; she had a loose coat of the same stuff, under which she wore a jacket of the finest brocade; and her shoes were white, and made like those used by men. She had no sword about her, but a very rich dagger, and upon her fingers were a great number of valuable rings: in a word, all who beheld the girl were struck with her appearance, though not one of them knew her face; and the inhabitants of the town said they could not conceive who she was. But those who concerted the jokes that were practised upon Sancho were most struck with admiration; for this incident and salvage was not of their contriving; and therefore they stood in suspence, waiting to see the issue of the adventure; while Sancho, confounded at the girl’s beauty, asked who she was, whither she was going, and what had induced her to appear in the habit of a man. She, fixing her eyes upon the ground, with the most engaging bashfulness, replied, ‘My lord, I cannot disclose, in such a publick company, what it concerns me so much to conceal. One circumstance I beg leave to communicate: I am no thief or criminal person; but an unfortunate young lady, compelled by jealousy to trespass upon that decorum which is due to my honour and reputation.’
The steward hearing these words, said to Sancho, ‘My lord governor, be so good as to bid the people retire, that this lady may disburden her mind with more freedom.’ The governor accordingly laid his commands upon his attendants, all of whom retired, except the steward, the gentleman sewer, and the secretary; and the young lady, finding they were gone, proceeded to this effect: ‘Gentlemen, I am the daughter of Pedro Perez Mazorca, farmer of the wool in this town, who comes frequently to my father’s house.’—‘Madam,’ said the steward, ‘this will not go down. I am very well acquainted with Pedro Perez, and know he has neither chick nor child, male or female; besides, you first say he is your father, and then add, he frequently comes to your father’s house.’—‘That circumstance I likewise took notice of,’ said Sancho. ‘Well, gentlemen,’ replied the damsel, ‘I am in such confusion, that I know not what to say, but the truth is, I am the daughter of Diego de Llana, whom you must all know.’—‘Aye, this goes better,’ answered the steward; ‘Diego de Llana is my acquaintance, and a gentleman of rank and fortune; I know, too, he has a son and daughter; though, since he was a widower, no person in this town can pretend to say he ever saw the face of his daughter, whom her father keeps so closely shut up, that the sun himself has no opportunity to behold her; and yet, report says she is extremely beautiful.’—‘True,’ said the damsel; ‘I am that very daughter, and whether or not fame has belyed me in point of beauty, you yourselves, gentlemen, may judge from your own observation.’ So saying, she began to weep most tenderly.
The secretary perceiving her distress, said to the sewer in a whisper, ‘Doubtless, something of consequence must have happened to this poor young lady, seeing a person of her quality quits her own home at such an hour, and in such an equipage.’—‘Certainly,’ replied the other, ‘that suspicion is confirmed by her tears.’ As for Sancho, he consoled her in the best terms he could use, and desired that she would, without fear or constraint, communicate what had befallen her; for they would endeavour to remedy her disaster with great sincerity, and by all possible means. ‘This, then, is the case, gentlemen,’ answered the damsel: ‘my father has locked me up for the space of ten years, which are elapsed since my mother was committed to her grave: there is in the house a rich oratory where mass is said; and, in all that time, I have seen nothing but the sun in the heavens by day, and the moon and stars by night. I am utterly unacquainted with the streets, squares, churches, and all mankind, except my father, my brother, and Pedro Perez, the wool farmer, whom, because he comes frequently to our house, I took it in my head to call my father, in order to conceal the name of my real parent. I have been very disconsolate for many days and months, on account of this confinement, and his constant refusal to let me go to church; I longed to see the world, at least the town in which I first drew breath; and I did not think this desire transgressed the bounds of that decorum which young women of fashion ought to preserve. When I heard of bull-feasts, darting the javelin, and plays, I desired my brother, who is a year younger than myself, to describe the nature of these and many other things which I had not seen, and he gratified my desire to the utmost of his power; but his description served only to inflame my impatience to behold those spectacles: in a word, to cut short the account of my ruin, I say, I desired and intreated my brother—would to God I had never desired or intreated him!’
And here she renewed her lamentation; when the steward interposing, ‘Madam,’ said he, ‘be so good as to proceed, and finish the story of your adventure; for your own words and tears keep us all in the utmost suspence.’—‘I have little else to say,’ replied the damsel, ‘though a great many tears to shed; for such irregular desires are always, without fail, attended by such misfortunes.’
The beauty of this damsel having made an impression on the soul of the gentleman sewer, he once more held up the lanthorn to take another view, and the tears she let fall, he took to be seed-pearl, or the dew-drops of the meadow; nay, his fancy even compared them to oriental pearls, and he ardently wished that her misfortunes might not appear so great as her sighs and lamentation seemed to indicate.
The governor being tired of the dilatory manner in which the girl told her story, desired she would keep them no longer in suspence; for it was late, and they had a great part of their round still to perform. Then she, in the midst of interrupted sobbings and broken sighs, proceeded thus: ‘My misfortune and my disaster is nothing else than this; I begged my brother to disguise me in one of his suits, and carry me out to see the town, some night while my father should be asleep; he, importuned by my intreaties, complied with my request, and gave me this dress, while he himself put on a suit of mine, which fits him to a nicety; for he has not one hair upon his chin, and looks exactly like a very handsome girl. This night, about an hour ago, little more or less, we sallied forth from our own house; and conducted by our foot-boy, and our own unruly desire, went round the whole town; but, when we wanted to return home again, we perceived a great number of people coming up, and my brother said, “Sister, this must be the patrole; quicken your pace, put wings to your feet, and run after me, that they may not know who we are, otherwise we shall be in evil taking.” So saying, he took to his heels, and began—not to run, but to fly; but scarce had I followed him six paces, when I fell through fear, and then came the officers of justice, who brought me before your lordship, where, in consequence of my foolish and rash conduct, I find myself confounded and ashamed before so much company.’—‘So that after all, Madam,’ said Sancho, ‘no other mishap has befallen you, nor was it jealousy that brought you from your own house, as you alledged in the beginning of your story?’—‘Nothing else hath happened to me, nor did I quit my own home from jealousy, but merely from the desire of seeing the world, which extended no farther than a wish to see the streets of this town.’
The truth of this assertion was confirmed by the arrival of two other serjeants with her brother, whom they had taken in his flight. He had no other cloaths but a rich petticoat, and a mantle of blue damask laced with gold; on his head there was no cap, or any other ornament but his own hair, which was so rich and ruddy, that it looked like ringlets of gold. The governor, steward, and sewer, taking him aside, that he might not be overheard by his sister, questioned him about his being disguised in that dress; and the youth, with equal bashfulness and disorder, repeated the same story which his sister had related, to the unspeakable satisfaction of the enamoured sewer.
‘Gentlefolks,’ said the governor, ‘this is certainly a very childish trick, and in giving an account of your simplicity and rashness, there needed not all this weeping and wailing. Had you said at first, our names are so and so, and we fell upon this contrivance to steal out of our father’s house, merely to gratify our curiosity, without any other design, the affair would have been at an end, and you might have spared all this grunting and groaning.’—‘Very true,’ replied the damsel; ‘but your honour must know, my confusion was so great, that I was not mistress of my own behaviour.’—‘There is no harm done,’ replied Sancho; ‘let us go and see you safe home to the house of your father, who perhaps has not missed you as yet; and henceforward be not such a baby, or so desirous to see the world. The maid that would keep her good name, stays at home as if she was lame. A hen and a housewife, whatever they cost, if once they go gadding will surely be lost. And she that longs to see, I ween, is as desirous to be seen. This is all I shall at present say upon the subject.’
The young man thanked the governor for his intended civility in seeing them home; and accordingly they took the road to their father’s house, which was not far off. When they arrived at the gate, the brother threw a pebble, at a casement, and immediately a maid-servant who sat up for them, came down and opened the door, at which they entered, leaving all the company in admiration at their beauty and genteel deportment, as well as at their scheme of seeing the world by night, without going out of the town; but this they ascribed to their tender years.
The sewer’s heart was transpierced by the charms of the sister, whom he resolved to demand in marriage of her father the very next day, concluding he should not meet with a denial because he was a domestick of the duke’s. Even Sancho was seized with a whim and inclination to make a match between the youth and his daughter Sanchica, and he actually resolved to effectuate it in due season; taking it for granted no man would refuse his hand to a governor’s daughter.
Thus ended the round for that night, and in two days he saw the end of his government, which overthrew and destroyed all his designs, as will be seen in the sequel.