¶ Of the Gentylman That Bare the Sege Borde on Hys Necke. Xxiv
¶ A chandeler beynge a wydower, dwellynge at Holborne, neere London, had a fayr doughter whom a yonge gentelman of Dauys Ynne51 woyd52 sore to haue hys pleasure of her, whyche by longe sute to her made, at the last graunted hym, and poynted hym to com upon a nyghte to her faders hous in the euenynge, and she wold conuey hym into her chamber secretly, which was an inner chamber within her faders chamber. So accordynge to the poyntment all thynge was performed, so that he lay wyth her all nyght, and made good chere tell about foure a clocke in the mornynge, at whyche tyme it fortunyd this yonge gentylman fell a coughynge, whych cam vpon hym so sore that he could not refrayn. Thys wench, than fering her fader that lay in the next chamber, bad hym go put hys hede in the draught, lest that her fader shold here hym: whych after her councel rose in his shyrte, and so dyd. But than because of the sauour of the draught it causyd hym to coughe moche more and louder, that the wenchys fader herde it, and askyd of hys daughter what man it was that coughed in her chamber. She aswered and said: no body. But euer this yong man coughed styll more and more, whom the fader herynge sayd: by Goddes body! hore, thou lyest; I wyll se who is there;—and rose out of his bedde. Thys wenche perceyued her fader rysinge, [and] cam to the gentylman and sayde: take hede syr to your selfe: for my fader comyth. This gentylman, sodeynly therwyth abasshyd, wolde haue pullyd his hede oute of the draughte hole, which was [so] very streyghte for hys hede that he pullyd the sege borde vp therwyth, and, [it] hangyng about his neck, ran vpon the fader beynge an olde man, and gaue hym a great fall and bare him to the ground.
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here was two or thre skyttysh horses whych, when they se this gentylman ronnyng, start[ed] asyde and threwe downe the cart wyth colys, and drew backe and brake the carte rope, wherby the colys fell out, some in one place and some in another; and after the horses brake theyr tracys and ranne, some towarde Smythfelde and som toward Newgate. The colyar53 ran after them, and was an houre and more, or54 euer he coulde gette his horses to gyder agayne; by which tyme the people of the strete were rysen and cam to the place, and saw yt strawyn with colys. Euery one for hys parte gaderyd vp the colys, tyll the most parte of the colys were gone, or the colyar had got his horses agayne. Duryng thys whyle the gentylman went thrugh Seynt Andrews Chyrch Yarde towarde Dauys Inne, and there met with the sexten commynge to attend to ring the bell for morow mas: whych, whan he saw the gentylman in the Chyrche Yarde in hys shyrt wyth the draught borde55 about his neck, had wend56 it had ben a spryt, and cried: alas, alas, a spryt! and ran back again to his house almost atte b * * for fere was almoste out of his wytte that he was the worse a long time after. This gentilman, than, because dauys inne gatys were not open, ranne to the backsyde and lept ouer the garden wal; but, in lepyng, the draught-bord so troubled hym, that he fell downe into the gardyn and had almoste broken his necke: and ther he lay styll, tyll that the pryncypall cam into the garden; which, wan he saw hym lye there, had wente some man had ben slayne and there caste ouer the wall, and durst not come nye him, tyll he had callyd vp hys companye which, when many of the gentylmen57 wer com to gether loked well vppon hym, and knewe hym, and after releuyd hym; but the borde that was about hys necke caused his hed so to swell, that they coulde not gette it of, tyll they were mynded to cutte it of with hatchettys. Thus was the wenche well iaped,58 and for fere she ranne from her fader; her faders arme was hurte; the colyar lost his coles; the sexton was almost out of hys wyt; and the gentylman had almost broke his necke.