Chap. L How a Desolate Person Ought to Offer Himself Into the Hands of God
1. O Lord God, O Holy Father, be thou now and for ever blessed, for as thou wilt, so it has happened; and what thou dost is always good.
Let thy servant rejoice in thee, not in himself, nor in any other; for thou alone art true joy, thou my hope, and my crown; thou my gladness, and my honour, O Lord.
What hath thy servant but what he hath received from thee, and this without any merit on his side? All things are thine which thou hast given, and which thou hast made.
I am poor, and in my labours from my youth; and my soul is grieved even unto tears sometimes; and sometimes is disturbed within herself by reason of the passions which encompass her.
2. I long for the joy of peace, I beg for the peace of thy children, who are fed by thee in the light of thy consolation.
If thou givest peace, if thou infusest holy joy, the soul of thy servant shall be full of melody, and devout in thy praise.
But if thou withdraw thyself, as thou art very often accustomed to do, he will not be able to run in the way of thy commandments; but rather must bow down his knees, and knock his breast, because it is not with him, as it was yesterday and the day before, when thy lamp shined over his head, and he was covered under the shadow of thy wings from temptation rushing in upon him.
3. O just Father, holy, and always to be praised, the hour is come for thy servant to be tried.
O Father, worthy of all love, it is fitting that thy servant should at this hour suffer something for thee.
O Father, always to be honoured, the hour is come, when thou didst foresee from all eternity, that thy servant for the short time should be oppressed without, but always live within to thee; that he should be a little slighted, and humbled, and should fall in the sight of men; that he should be severely afflicted with sufferings and diseases; that so he may rise again with thee in the dawning of a new light, and be glorified in heaven.
O holy Father, thou hast so appointed, and such is thy will; and that has come to pass which thou hast ordered.
4. For this is a favour to thy friend, that he should suffer and be afflicted in this world for the love of thee; how often soever, and by whomsoever thou permittest it to fall upon him.
Without thy counsel and providence, and without cause nothing is done upon earth.
It is good for me, O Lord, that thou hast humbled me, that I may learn thy justifications, (Psalms cxviii.) and cast away from me all pride of heart and presumption.
[USCCB: Psalms cxix. 71. “It was good for me to be afflicted, in order to learn your laws.”]
It is advantageous for me that shame has covered my face, that I may rather seek my comfort from thee, than from men.
I have also learned hereby to fear thy impenetrable judgment, who afflicting the just together with the wicked, but not without equity and justice.
5. Thanks be to thee, that thou hast not spared me in my evils, but hast bruised me with bitter stripes, inflicting pains, and sending distress both within and without.
And of all things under heaven, there is none can comfort me but thou, O Lord my God, the heavenly physician of souls, who woundest and healest, bringest down to hell, and leadest back again.
Thy discipline is on me, and thy rod shall instruct me.
6. Behold, dear Father, I am in thy hands, I bow myself down under the rod of thy correction.
Strike thou my back and my neck, that I may bend my crookedness to thy will:
Make me a pious and humble disciple of thine, as thou art wont well to do, that I may walk at thy beck at all times.
To thee I commit myself and all that is mine, to be corrected by thee: it is better to be chastised here than hereafter.
Thou knowest all and every thing, and there is nothing in man’s conscience hidden from thee.
Thou knowest things to come, before they are done; and thou hast no need to be taught or admonished by any one of these things that pass upon earth.
Thou knowest what is expedient for my progress, and how serviceable tribulation is to rub away the rust of sin.
Do with me according to thy good pleasure, it is what I desire, and despise not my sinful life, to no one better or more clearly known than to thyself alone.
7. Grant, O Lord, that I may know what I ought to know; that I may love what I ought to love; that I may praise that which is most pleasing to thee; that I may esteem that which is valuable in thy sight; that I may despise that which is despicable in thy eyes.
Suffer me not to judge according to the sight of the outward eye, nor to give sentence according to the hearing of the ears of men that know not what they are about: but to determine both of visible and spiritual matters with true judgment, and above all things ever to seek thy good-will and pleasure.
8. The sentiments of men are often wrong in their judgments; and the lovers of this world are deceived in loving visible things alone;
What is a man the better for being reputed greater by man?
One deceitful man deceives another; the vain deceives the vain, the blind deceives the blind, the weak the weak, whilst he extols him;
And in truth doth rather confound him whilst he vainly praiseth him: for how much each one is in thy eyes, so much is he, and no more, saith the humble St. Francis.