Chap. XX Of the Confession of Our Infirmity, and of the Miseries of This Life
1. I will confess against myself my injustice. Psalms xxxi. I will confess to thee, O Lord, my infirmity.
It is oftentimes a small thing which casts me down and troubles me.
I make a resolution to behave myself valiantly; but when a small temptation comes, I am brought into great straits.
It is sometimes a very trifling thing, from whence a grievous temptation proceeds.
And when I think myself somewhat safe, I find myself sometimes, when I least apprehend it, almost overcome with a small blast.
2. Behold, then, O Lord, my abjection and frailty every way known to thee.
Have pity on me, and draw me out of the mire, that I stick not fast therein, that I may not be utterly cast down for ever.
This it is which often drives me back, and confounds me in thy sight, to find that I am so subject to fall, and have so little strength to resist my passions.
And although I do not altogether consent, yet their assaults are troublesome and grievous to me; and it is exceedingly irksome to live thus always in a conflict.
From hence my infirmity is made known to me; because wicked thoughts do always much more easily rush in upon me, than they can be cast out again.
3. Oh! that thou the most mighty God of Israel, the zealous lover of faithful souls, wouldst behold the labour and sorrow of thy servant, and stand by me in all my undertakings.
Strengthen me with heavenly fortitude, lest the old man, the miserable flesh not yet fully subject to the spirit, prevail and get the upper hand; against which we must fight as long as we breathe in this most wretched life.
Alas! what kind of life is this, where afflictions and miseries are never wanting, where all things are full of snares and enemies.
For when one tribulation or temptation is gone, another cometh; yea, and whilst the first conflict still lasts, many others come on, and those unexpected.
4. And how can a life be loved that hath so great bitterness, that is subject to so many calamities and miseries.
And how can it be called life, since it begets so many deaths and plagues?
And yet it is loved, and many seek their delight in it.
Many blame the world that it is deceitful and vain, and yet they are not willing to quit it, because the concupiscences of the flesh too much prevail.
But there are some things that draw them to love the world, others to despise it.
The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and pride of life draw to the love of the world; but the pains and miseries which justly follow these things breed a hatred and loathing of the world.
5. But alas! the pleasure of sin prevails over the worldly soul, and under these thorns she imagines there are delights; because she has neither seen nor tasted the sweetness of God, nor the internal pleasure of virtue.
But they that perfectly despise the world, and study to live to God under holy discipline, experience the divine sweetness, that is promised to those who forsake all; and such clearly see how grievously the world is mistaken, and how many ways it is imposed upon.