Scene IV A Room in the House of Collatine
Enter Lucrece, Maid, and Clown.
Lucrece.
A chair.
Clown.
A chair for my lady. Mistress Mirable, do you not hear my lady call?
Lucrece.
Come near, sir; be less officious
In duty, and use more attention.—
Nay, gentlewoman, we exempt not you
From our discourse, you must afford an ear
As well as he to what we ha’ to say.
Maid.
I still remain your handmaid.
Lucrece.
Sirrah, I ha’ seen you oft familiar
With this my maid and waiting gentlewoman,
As casting amorous glances, wanton looks,
And privy becks savouring incontinence:
I let you know you are not for my service
Unless you grow more civil.
Clown.
Indeed, madam, for my own part I wish Mistress Mirable well, as one fellow servant ought to wish to another, but to say that ever I flung any sheep’s eyes in her face—how say you, Mistress Mirable, did I ever offer it?
Lucrece.
Nay, mistress, I ha’ seen you answer him
With gracious looks and some uncivil smiles,
Retorting eyes, and giving his demeanour
Such welcome as becomes not modesty.
Know henceforth there shall no lascivious phrase,
Suspicious look, or shadow of incontinence,
Be entertained by any that attend
On Roman Lucrece.
Maid.
Madam, I!
Lucrece.
Excuse it not, for my premeditate thought
Speaks nothing out of rashness nor vain hearsay,
But what my own experience testifies
Against you both; let then this mild reproof
Forewarn you of the like: my reputation,
Which is held precious in the eyes of Rome,
Shall be no shelter to the least intent
Of looseness; leave all familiarity,
And quite renounce acquaintance, or I here
Discharge you both my service.
Clown.
For my own part, madam, as I am a true Roman by nature, though no Roman by my nose, I never spent the least lip-labour on Mistress Mirable, never so much as glanced, never used any winking or pinking, never nodded at her—no, not so much as when I was asleep; never asked her the question so much as what’s her name: if you can bring any man, woman, or child, that can say so much behind my back as “For he did but kiss her, for I did but kiss her, and so let her go,” let my Lord Collatine, instead of plucking my coat, pluck my skin over my ears and turn me away naked, that wheresoever I shall come I may be held a raw serving-man hereafter.
Lucrece.
Sirrah, you know our mind.
Clown.
If ever I knew what belongs to these cases, or yet know what they mean; if ever I used any plain dealing, or were ever worth such a jewel, would I might die like a beggar! If ever I were so far read in my grammar as to know what an interjection is, or a conjunction copulative, would I might never have good of my qui quæ quod! Why, do you think, madam, I have no more care of myself, being but a stripling, than to go to it at these years? Flesh and blood cannot endure it; I shall even spoil one of the best faces in Rome with crying at your unkindness.
Lucrece.
I ha’ done. See if you can spy your lord returning from the court, and give me notice what strangers he brings home with him.
Clown.
Yes, I’ll go: but see, kind man, he saves me a labour.
[Exeunt.