Scene III Inside Sextus’s Tent. A Banquet Prepared
Enter Sextus, Aruns, Brutus, Valerius, Horatius, Scevola, and Collatine.
Sextus.
Sit round: the enemy is pounded37 fast
In their own folds; the walls made to oppugn
Hostile incursions become a prison,
To keep them fast for execution;
There’s no eruption to be feared.
Brutus.
What shall’s do? Come, a health to the general’s health; and Valerius, that sits the most civilly, shall begin it; I cannot talk till my blood be mingled with this blood of grapes. Fill for Valerius. Thou shouldst drink well, for thou hast been in the German wars; if thou lovest me, drink upse freeze.38
Sextus.
Nay, since Brutus has spoke the word, the first health shall be imposed on you, Valerius; and if ever you have been Germanized, let it be after the Dutch fashion.
Valerius.
The general may command.
Brutus.
He may; why else is he called the commander?
Sextus.
We will entreat Valerius.
Valerius.
Since you will needs enforce a high-German health, look well to your heads, for I come upon you with this Dutch tassaker39: if you were of a more noble science than you are, it will go near to break your heads round.
[Sings a Dutch song.]
O mork giff men ein man,
Skerry merry vip,
O mork giff men ein man
Skerry merry vap.
O mork giff men ein man,
That tik die ten long o drievan can,
Skerry merry vip, and skerry merry vap,
And skerry merry runke ede bunk,
Ede hoore was a hai dedle downe
Dedle drunke a:
Skeery merry runke ede bunk, ede hoor was drunk a.
O daughter yeis ein alto kleene,
Skerry merry vip,
O daughter yeis ein alto kleene,
Skerry merry vap.
O daughter yeis ein alto kleene,
Ye molten slop, ein yert aleene
Skeery merry vip, and skerry merry vap
And skerry merry runk ede bunk,
Ede hoore was a hey dedle downe
Dedle drunke a:
Skeery merry, runk ede bunk, ede hoor was drunk a.
Sextus.
Gramercies, Valerius; came this high-German health as double as his double ruff, I’d pledge it.
Brutus.
Were it in Lubeck or double-double beer, their own natural liquor, I’d pledge it were it as deep as his ruff: let the health go round about the board, as his band goes round about his neck. I am no more afraid of this Dutch fashion than I should be of the heathenish invention.
Collatine.
I must entreat you spare me, for my brain brooks not the fumes of wine; their vaporous strength offends me much.
Horatius.
I would have none spare me, for I’ll spare none. Collatine will pledge no health unless it be to his Lucrece.
Sextus.
What’s Lucrece but a woman? and what are women
But tortures and disturbance unto men?
If they be foul they’re odious, and if fair,
They’re like rich vessels full of poisonous drugs,
Or like black serpents armed with golden scales:
For my own part, they shall not trouble me.
Brutus.
Sextus, sit fast; for I proclaim myself a woman’s champion, and shall unhorse thee else.
Valerius.
For my own part, I’m a married man, and I’ll speak to my wife to thank thee, Brutus.
Aruns.
I have a wife too, and I think the most virtuous lady in the world.
Scevola.
I cannot say but that I have a good wife too, and I love her: but if she were in heaven, beshrew me if I would wish her so much hurt as to desire her company upon earth again; yet, upon my honour, though she be not very fair, she is exceeding honest.
Brutus.
Nay, the less beauty, the less temptation to despoil her honesty.
Scevola.
I should be angry with him that should make question of her honour.
Brutus.
And I angry with thee if thou shouldst not maintain her honour.
Aruns.
If you compare the virtues of your wives, let me step in for mine.
Collatine.
I should wrong my Lucrece not to stand for her.
Sextus.
Ha, ha! all captains, and stand upon the honesty of your wives! Is’t possible, think you,
That women of young spirit and full age,
Of fluent wit, that can both sing and dance,
Read, write, such as feed well and taste choice cates,
That straight dissolve to purity of blood,
That keep the veins full, and inflame the appetite,
Making the spirit able, strong, and prone,—
Can such as these, their husbands being away
Employed in foreign sieges or elsewhere,
Deny such as importune them at home?
Tell me that flax will not be touched with fire,
Nor they be won to what they most desire!
Brutus.
Shall I end this controversy in a word?
Sextus.
Do, good Brutus.
Brutus.
I hold some holy, but some apt to sin;
Some tractable, but some that none can win;
Such as are virtuous, gold nor wealth can move;
Some vicious of themselves are prone to love;
Some grapes are sweet and in the garden grow,
Others unpruned turn wild neglected so;
The purest ore contains both gold and dross,
The one all gain, the other nought but loss;
The one disgrace, reproach, and scandal taints,
The other angels and sweet-featured saints.
Collatine.
Such is my virtuous Lucrece.
Aruns.
Yet she for virtue is not comparable to the wife of Aruns.
Scevola.
And why may not mine be ranked with the most virtuous?
Horatius.
I would put in for a lot, but a thousand to one I shall draw but a blank.
Valerius.
I should not show I loved my wife, not to take her part in her absence: I hold her inferior to none.
Aruns.
Save mine.
Valerius.
No, not to her.
Brutus.
Oh, this were a brave controversy for a jury of women to arbitrate!
Collatine.
I’ll hazard all my fortunes on the virtues
Of divine Lucrece. Shall we try them thus?
It is now dead of night; let’s mount our steeds;
Within this two hours we may reach to Rome,
And to our houses all come unprepared,
And unexpected by our high-praised wives.
She of them all that we find best employed,
Devoted, and most huswife-exercised,
Let her be held most virtuous, and her husband
Win by the wager a rich horse and armour.
Aruns.
A hand on that.
Valerius.
Here’s a helping hand to that bargain.
Horatius.
But shall we to horse without circumstance?
Scevola.
Scevola will be mounted with the first.
Sextus.
Then mount cheval! Brutus, this night take you the charge of the army. I’ll see the trial of this wager: ’twould do me good to see some of them find their wives in the arms of their lovers, they are so confident in their virtues. Brutus, we’ll interchange goodnight; be thou but as provident o’er the army as we (if our horses fail not) expeditious in our journey. To horse, to horse!
All.
Farewell, good Brutus.
[Exeunt.