Scene IV A Room in the House of Collatine
Enter Lucrece and her two Maids.
Lucrece.
But one hour more, and you shall all to rest.
Now that your lord is absent from this house,
And that the master’s eye is from his charge,
We must be careful, and with providence
Guide his domestic business; we ha’ now
Given o’er all feasting and left revelling,
Which ill becomes the house whose lord is absent;
We banish all excess till his return,
In fear of whom my soul doth daily mourn.
1st Maid.
Madam, so please you to repose yourself
Within your chamber; leave us to our tasks;
We will not loiter, though you take your rest.
Lucrece.
Not so; you shall not overwatch yourselves
Longer than I wake with you; for it fits
Good huswives, when their husbands are from home,
To eye their servants’ labours, and in care
And the true manage40 of his household state,
Earliest to rise, and to be up most late.
Since all his business he commits to me,
I’ll be his faithful steward till the camp
Dissolve, and he return; thus wives should do,
In absence of their lords be husbands too.
2nd Maid.
Madam, the Lord Turnus his man was thrice for you here, to have entreated you home to supper; he says his lord takes it unkindly he could not have your company.
Lucrece.
To please a loving husband, I’ll offend
The love and patience of my dearest friend.
Methinks his purpose was unreasonable,
To draw me in my husband’s absence forth
To feast and banquet; ’twould have ill become me
To have left the charge of such a spacious house
Without both lord and mistress.
I am opinioned thus: wives should not stray
Out of their doors, their husbands being away.
Lord Turnus shall excuse me.
1st Maid.
Pray, madam, set me right into my work.
Lucrece.
Being abroad, I may forget the charge
Imposed me by my lord, or be compelled
To stay out late, which, were my husband here,
Might be without distaste, but he from hence,
With late abroad, there can no excuse dispense.
Here, take your work again, a while proceed,
And then to bed; for whilst you sew I’ll read.
[They retire.
Enter Sextus, Aruns, Valerius, Collatine, Horatius, and Scevola.
Aruns.
I would have hazarded all my hopes, my wife had not been so late a-revelling.
Valerius.
Nor mine at this time of night a-gambolling.
Horatius.
They wear so much cork under their heels, they cannot choose but love to caper.
Scevola.
Nothing does me good, but that if my wife were watching, all theirs were wantoning, and if I ha’ lost, none can brag of their winnings.
Sextus.
Now, Collatine, to yours; either Lucrece must be better employed than the rest, or you content to have her virtues rank with the rest.
Collatine.
I am pleased.
Horatius.
Soft, soft, let’s steal upon her as upon the rest, lest having some watch-word at our arrival, we may give her notice to be better prepared: nay, by your leave, Collatine, we’ll limit you no advantage.
Collatine.
See, lords, thus Lucrece revels with her maids:
Instead of riot, quaffing, and the practice
Of high lavoltoes41 to the ravishing sound
Of chambering music, she, like a good huswife,
Is teaching of her servants sundry chares.—
Lucrece!
Lucrece. [Coming forward.]
My lord and husband, welcome, ten times welcome.
Is it to see your Lucrece you thus late
Ha’ with your person’s hazard left the camp,
And trusted to the danger of a night
So dark, and full of horror?
Aruns.
Lords, all’s lost.
Horatius.
By Jove, I’ll buy my wife a wheel,42 and make her spin for this trick.
Scevola.
If I make not mine learn to live by the prick of her needle for this, I’m no Roman.
Collatine.
Sweet wife, salute these lords; thy continence
Hath won thy husband a Barbarian horse
And a rich coat of arms.
Lucrece.
Oh, pardon me; the joy to see my lord
Took from me all respect of their degrees.
The richest entertainment lives with us,
According to the hour, and the provision
Of a poor wife in the absence of her husband,
We prostrate to you; howsoever mean,
We thus excuse’t,—Lord Collatine away,
We neither feast, dance, quaff, riot, nor play.
Sextus.
If one woman among so many bad may be found good, if a white wench may prove a black swan, it is Lucrece; her beauty hath relation to her virtue, and her virtue correspondent to her beauty, and in both she is matchless.
Collatine.
Lords, will you yield the wager?
Aruns.
Stay, the wager was as well which of our wives was fairest too; it stretched as well to their beauty as to their continence. Who shall judge that?
Horatius.
That can none of us, because we are all parties. Let Prince Sextus determine it, who hath been with us, and been an eye-witness of their beauties.
Valerius.
Agreed.
Scevola.
I am pleased with the censure of Prince Sextus.
Aruns.
So are we all.
Collatine.
I commit my Lucrece wholly to the dispose of Sextus.
Sextus.
And Sextus commits him wholly to the dispose of Lucrece.
I love the lady and her grace desire,
Nor can my love wrong what my thoughts admire.
Aruns, no question but your wife is chaste
And thrifty, but this lady knows no waste.
Valerius, yours is modest, something fair;
Her grace and beauty are without compare.
Thine, Mutius, well disposed, and of good feature,
But the world yields not so divine a creature.
Horatius, thine a smug lass and graced well,
But amongst all, fair Lucrece doth excel.
Then our impartial heart and judging eyes
This verdict gives,—fair Lucrece wins the prize.
Collatine.
Then, lords, you are indebted to me a horse and armour.
All.
We yield it.
Lucrece.
Will you taste such welcome, lords, as a poor unprovided house can yield?
Sextus.
Gramercy, Lucrece, no; we must this night sleep by Ardea walls.
Lucrece.
But, my lords, I hope my Collatine will not so leave his Lucrece.
Sextus.
He must: we have but idled from the camp, to try a merry wager about their wives, and this at the hazard of the King’s displeasure, should any man be missing from his charge. The powers that govern Rome make divine Lucrece for ever happy! Good-night.
Scevola.
But, Valerius, what thinkest thou of the country girls from whence we came, compared with our city wives whom we this night have tried?
Valerius.
Scevola, thou shalt hear.
[Sings.] O yes, room for the crier,
Who never yet was found a liar!
O ye fine smug country lasses,
That would for brooks change crystal glasses,
And be transhaped from foot to crown,
And straw-beds change for beds of down;
Your partlets turn into rebatoes,43
And ’stead of carrots eat potatoes;
Your frontlets44 lay by, and your rails,45
And fringe with gold your daggled tails:
Now your hawk-noses shall have hoods
And billements46 with golden studs;
Straw-hats shall be no more bongraces47
From the bright sun to hide your faces;
For hempen smocks to help the itch,
Have linen, sewed with silver stitch;
And wheresoe’er they chance to stride,
One bare before to be their guide.
O yes, room for the crier,
Who never yet was found a liar!
Lucrece.
Will not my husband repose this night with me?
Horatius.
Lucrece shall pardon him: we ha’ took our leaves of our wives, nor shall Collatine be before us, though our ladies in other things come behind you.
Collatine.
I must be swayed: the joys and the delights
Of many thousand nights meet all in one,
To make my Lucrece happy!
Lucrece.
I am bound to your strict will. To each good-night.
Sextus.
To horse, to horse! [Aside.] Lucrece, we cannot rest
Till our hot lust embosom in thy breast.
[Exeunt all but Lucrece.
Lucrece.
With no unkindness we should our lords upbraid;
Husbands and kings must always be obeyed.
Nothing save the high business of the state,
And the charge given him at Ardea’s siege,
Could ha’ made Collatine so much digress
From the affection that he bears his wife;
But subjects must excuse when kings claim power.
But, leaving this, before the charm of sleep
Seize with his downy wings upon my eyes,
I must go take account among my servants
Of their day’s task; we must not cherish sloth.
No covetous thought makes me thus provident,
But to shun idleness, which, wise men say,
Begets rank lust, and virtue beats away. [Exit.