Scene VI Outside Old Lionel’s House
Enter Old Lionel, and the former Owner of the House.
Owner.
Sir, sir, your threats nor warrants can fright me;
My honesty and innocency’s known
Always to have been unblemished; would you could
As well approve your own integrity
As I shall doubtless acquit myself
Of this surmisèd murder.
Old Lionel.
Rather surrender
The price I paid, and take into thy hands
This haunted mansion, or I’ll prosecute
My wrong, even to the utmost of the law,
Which is no less than death.
Owner.
I’ll answer all,
Old Lionel, both to thy shame and scorn;
This [Snapping his fingers] for thy menaces!
Enter Clown.
Clown.
This is the house, but where’s the noise that was wont to be in’t? I am sent hither to deliver a note to two young gentlemen that here keep revel-rout; I remember it, since the last massacre of meat that was made in’t; but it seems that the great storm that was raised then is chased now. I have other notes to deliver, one to Master Ricott—and—I shall think on them all in order. My old master makes a great feast for the parting of young Master Geraldine, who is presently upon his departure for travel, and, the better to grace it, hath invited many of his neighbours and friends, where will be old Master Geraldine, his son, and I cannot tell how many. But this is strange; the gates shut up at this time o’ day! belike they are all drunk and laid to sleep; if they be, I’ll wake them, with a murrain! [Knocks.
Old Lionel.
What desperate fellow’s this, that, ignorant
Of his own danger, thunders at these gates?
Clown.
Ho, Reignald! riotous Reignald, revelling Reignald!
Old Lionel.
What madness doth possess thee, honest friend,
To touch that hammer’s handle?
Clown.
What madness doth possess thee, honest friend,
To ask me such a question?
Old Lionel.
[To Owner.] Nay, stir not you.
Owner.
Not I. The game begins.
Old Lionel.
How dost thou? art thou well?
Clown.
Yes, very well, I thank you; how do you, sir?
Old Lionel.
No alteration: what change about thee?
Clown.
Not so much change about me at this time as to change you a shilling into two testers.
Old Lionel.
Yet I advise thee, fellow, for thy good,
Stand further from the gate.
Clown.
And I advise thee, friend, for thine own good, stand not betwixt me and the gate, but give me leave to deliver my errand. Ho! Reignald, you mad rascal!
Old Lionel.
In vain thou thunder’st at these silent doors,
Where no man dwells to answer, saving ghosts,
Furies, and sprites.
Clown.
Ghosts! indeed there has been much walking in and about the house after midnight.
Old Lionel.
Strange noise oft heard?
Clown.
Yes, terrible noise, that none of the neighbours could take any rest for it. I have heard it myself.
Old Lionel.
You hear this? Here’s more witness.
Owner.
Very well, sir.
Old Lionel.
Which you shall dearly answer.—Whooping?
Clown.
And hollooing.
Old Lionel.
And shouting?
Clown.
And crying out, till the whole house rung again.
Old Lionel.
Which thou hast heard?
Clown.
Oftener than I have toes and fingers.
Old Lionel.
Thou wilt be deposed of this?
Clown.
I’ll be sworn to’t, and that’s as good.
Old Lionel.
Very good still;—yet you are innocent.
Shall I entreat thee, friend, to avouch as much
Hereby to the next justice?
Clown.
I’ll take my soldier’s oath on’t.
Old Lionel.
A soldier’s oath—what’s that?
Clown.
My corporal oath; and you know, sir, a corporal is an office belonging to a soldier.
Old Lionel.
Yet you are clear? Murder will come to light.
Owner.
So will your gullery51 too.
Enter Robin.
Robin.
They say my old master’s come home; I’ll see if he will turn me out of doors, as the young man has done. I have laid rods in piss for somebody; scape Reignald as he can; and with more freedom than I durst late, I boldly now dare knock. [Knocks.
Old Lionel.
More madmen yet! I think since my last voyage
Half of the world’s turned frantic. What dost mean?
Or long’st thou to be blasted?
Robin.
Oh, sir, you are welcome home; ’twas time to come,
Ere all was gone to havoc.
Old Lionel.
My old servant!
Before I shall demand of further business,
Resolve me why thou thunder’st at these doors,
Where thou know’st none inhabits?
Robin.
Are they gone, sir?
’Twas well they have left the house behind;
For all the furniture, to a bare bench,
I am sure is spent and wasted.
Old Lionel.
Where’s my son,
That Reignald, posting for him with such speed,
Brings him not from the country?
Robin.
Country, sir!
’Tis a thing they know not: here they feast,
Dice, drink, and drab; the company they keep,
Cheaters and roaring-lads, and these attended
By bawds and queans; your son hath got a strumpet
On whom he spends all that your sparing left;
And here they keep court, to whose damned abuses
Reignald gives all encouragement.
Old Lionel.
But stay, stay:
No living soul hath for these six months’ space
Here entered, but the house stood desolate.
Robin.
Last week I am sure, so late, and the other day,
Such revels were here kept.
Old Lionel.
And by my son?
Robin.
Yes, and his servant Reignald.
Old Lionel.
And this house
At all not haunted?
Robin.
Save, sir, with such sprites.
Owner.
This murder will come out.
Enter Ricott.
Old Lionel.
But see, in happy time here comes my neighbour
Of whom he bought this mansion; he, I am sure,
More amply can resolve me.—I pray, sir,
What sums of moneys have you late received
Of my young son?
Ricott.
Of him? None, I assure you.
Old Lionel.
What of my servant Reignald?
Ricott.
But devise
What to call less than nothing, and that sum
I will confess received.
Old Lionel.
Pray, sir, be serious;
I do confess myself indebted to you
A hundred pound.
Ricott.
You may do well to pay’t then, for here’s witness
Sufficient of your words.
Old Lionel.
I speak no more
Than what I purpose; just so much I owe you,
And ere I sleep will tender.
Ricott.
I shall be
As ready to receive it, and as willing
As you can be to pay it.
Old Lionel.
But provided
You will confess seven hundred pounds received
Beforehand of my son.
Ricott.
But, by your favour,
Why should I yield seven hundred pounds received
Of them I never dealt with? Why? For what?
What reason? What condition? Where or when
Should such a sum be paid me?
Old Lionel.
Why? for this bargain. And for what? this house.
Reason? because you sold it. The conditions?
Such as were agreed between you. Where and when?
That only hath escaped me.
Ricott.
Madness all.
Old Lionel.
Was I not brought to take free view thereof,
As of mine own possession?
Ricott.
I confess
Your servant told me you had found out a wife
Fit for your son, and that you meant to build;
Desired to take a friendly view of mine,
To make it your example: but for selling,
I tell you, sir, my wants be not so great
To change my house to coin.
Old Lionel.
Spare, sir, your anger,
And turn it into pity. Neighbours and friends,
I am quite lost; was never man so fooled,
And by a wicked servant! Shame and blushing
Will not permit to tell the manner how,
Lest I be made ridiculous to all:
My fears are, to inherit what’s yet left,
He hath made my son away.
Robin.
That’s my fear too.
Old Lionel.
Friends, as you would commiserate a man
Deprived at once both of his wealth and son,
And in his age, by one I ever tendered
More like a son than servant, by imagining
My case were yours, have feeling of my griefs
And help to apprehend him: furnish me
With cords and fetters; I will lay him safe
In prison within prison.
Ricott.
We’ll assist you.
Robin.
And I.
Clown.
And all.—But not to do the least hurt to my old friend Reignald. [Aside.
Old Lionel.
His legs will be as nimble as his brain,
And ’twill be difficult to seize the slave,
Yet your endeavours, pray. Peace! here he comes.
Enter Reignald with a horn in his pocket; the rest withdraw,52 excepting Old Lionel.
Reignald.
My heart misgives, for ’tis not possible
But that in all these windings and indents53
I shall be found at last: I’ll take that course
That men both troubled and affrighted do,—
Heap doubt on doubt, and, as combustions rise,
Try if from many I can make my peace,
And work mine own atonement.
Old Lionel.
[Aside.] Stand you close,
Be not yet seen, but at your best advantage
Hand him, and bind him fast; whilst I dissemble
As if I yet knew nothing.
Reignald.
I suspect
And find there’s trouble in my master’s looks;
Therefore I must not trust myself too far
Within his fingers.
Old Lionel.
Reignald!
Reignald.
Worshipful sir.
Old Lionel.
What says my son i’ the country?
Reignald.
That to-morrow,
Early i’ the morning, he’ll attend your pleasure,
And do as all such duteous children ought—
Demand your blessing, sir.
Old Lionel.
Well, ’tis well.
Reignald.
I do not like his countenance. [Aside.
Old Lionel.
But, Reignald, I suspect the honesty
And the good meaning of my neighbour here,
Old Master Ricott. Meeting him but now,
And having some discourse about the house,
He makes all strange, and tells me in plain terms
He knows of no such matter.
Reignald.
Tell me that, sir!
Old Lionel.
I tell thee as it is: nor that such moneys,
Took up at use, were ever tendered him
On any such conditions.
Reignald.
I cannot blame
Your worship to be pleasant, knowing at what
An under-rate we bought it; but you ever
Were a most merry gentleman.
Old Lionel.
Impudent slave! [Aside.
But, Reignald, he not only doth deny it,
But offers to depose himself and servants
No such thing ever was.
Reignald.
Now, Heaven to see
To what this world is grown to! I will make him—
Old Lionel.
Nay more, this man will not confess the murder.
Reignald.
Which both shall dearly answer; you have warrant
For him already; but for the other, sir,
If he deny it, he had better—
Old Lionel.
Appear, gentlemen; [Softly.
’Tis a fit time to take him.
Reignald.
[Aside.] I discover
The ambush that’s laid for me.
Old Lionel.
Come nearer, Reignald.
Reignald.
First, sir,
Resolve me one thing: amongst other merchandize
Bought in your absence by your son and me,
We engrossed a great commodity of combs,
And how many sorts, think you?
Old Lionel.
You might buy
Some of the bones of fishes, some of beasts,
Box-combs, and ivory-combs.
Reignald.
But, besides these, we have for horses, sir,
Mane-combs and curry-combs; now, sir, for men
We have head-combs, beard-combs, ay, and cox-combs too;
Take view of them at your pleasure, whilst for my part
I thus bestow myself.
[Whilst he climbs to the balcony, they come forward with cords and shackles.
Clown.
Well said, Reignald; nobly put off, Reignald; look to thyself, Reignald.
Old Lionel.
Why dost thou climb thus?
Reignald.
Only to practise the nimbleness of my arms and legs, ere they prove your cords and fetters.
Old Lionel.
Why to that place?
Reignald.
Why! because, sir, ’tis your own house. It hath been
My harbour long, and now it must be my sanctuary;
Dispute now, and I’ll answer.
Owner.
Villain, what devilish meaning hadst thou in’t,
To challenge me of murder?
Reignald.
Oh, sir, the man you killed is alive at this present to justify it:
“I am,” quoth he, “a trans-marine by birth”—
Ricott.
Why challenge me
Receipt of moneys, and to give abroad
That I had sold my house?
Reignald.
Why! because, sir,
Could I have purchased houses at that rate,
I had meant to have bought all London.
Clown.
Yes, and Middlesex too; and I would have been thy half, Reignald.
Old Lionel.
Yours are great,
My wrongs insufferable. As first, to fright me
From mine own dwelling, till they had consumed
The whole remainder of the little left;
Besides, out of my late stock got at sea,
Discharge the clamorous usurer; make me accuse
This man of murder; be at charge of warrants;
And challenging this my worthy neighbour of
Forswearing sums he never yet received;
Fool me, to think my son, that had spent all,
Had by his thrift bought land; ay, and him too,
To open all the secrets of his house
To me, a stranger! O thou insolent villain,
What to all these canst answer?
Reignald.
Guilty, guilty.
Old Lionel.
But to my son’s death, what, thou slave?
Reignald.
Not guilty.
Old Lionel.
Produce him then; i’ the meantime, and—
Honest friends, get ladders.
Reignald.
Yes, and come down in your own ropes.
Owner.
I’ll fetch a piece,54 and shoot him.
Reignald.
So the warrant in my master’s pocket will serve for my murder; and ever after shall my ghost haunt this house.
Clown.
And I will say, like Reignald, “this ghost and I am friends.”
Old Lionel.
Bring faggots; I’ll set fire upon the house
Rather than this endure.
Reignald.
To burn houses is felony, and I’ll not out till I be fired out; but, since I am besieged thus, I’ll summon supplies unto my rescue. [He winds the horn.
Enter Young Lionel, Rioter, two Gallants, Blanda, Scapha, and others.
Young Lionel.
Before you chide, first hear me; next your blessing,
That on my knees I beg. I have but done
Like misspent youth, which, after wit dear-bought,
Turns his eyes inward, sorry and ashamed.
These things in which I have offended most,
Had I not proved, I should have thought them still
Essential things, delights perdurable;
Which now I find mere shadows, toys and dreams,
Now hated more than erst I doted on.
Best natures are soon’st wrought on; such was mine;
As I the offences, so the offenders throw
Here at your feet, to punish as you please;
You have but paid so much as I have wasted,
To purchase to yourself a thrifty son,
Which I from henceforth vow.
Old Lionel.
See what fathers are,
That can three years’ offences, foul ones too,
Thus in a minute pardon; and thy faults
Upon myself chastise, in these my tears.
Ere this submission, I had cast thee off;
Rise in my new adoption. But for these—
Clown.
The one you have nothing to do withal; here’s his ticket for his discharge: another for you, sir, to summon you to my master’s feast,—for you, and you,—where I charge you all to appear, upon his displeasure and your own apperils.
Young Lionel.
This is my friend, the other one I loved;
Only because they have been dear to him
That now will strive to be more dear to you,
Vouchsafe their pardon.
Old Lionel.
All dear to me indeed,
For I have paid for’t soundly, yet for thy sake
I am atoned with all; only that wanton,
Her and her company, abandon quite;
So doing, we are friends.
Young Lionel.
A just condition, and willingly subscribed to.
Old Lionel.
But for that villain; I am now devising
What shame, what punishment remarkable
To inflict on him.
Reignald.
Why, master! have I laboured,
Plotted, contrived, and all this while for you,
And will you leave me to the whip and stocks;
Not mediate my peace?
Old Lionel.
Sirrah, come down.
Reignald.
Not till my pardon’s sealed; I’ll rather stand here
Like a statue, in the fore-front of your house,
For ever, like the picture of Dame Fortune
Before the Fortune play-house.55
Young Lionel.
If I have here
But any friend amongst you, join with me
In this petition.
Clown.
Good sir, for my sake! I resolved you truly concerning whooping, the noise, the walking, and the sprites, and for a need can show you a ticket for him too.
Owner.
I impute my wrongs rather to knavish cunning
Than least pretended malice.
Ricott.
What he did
Was but for his young master; I allow it
Rather as sports of wit than injuries;
No other, pray, esteem them.
Old Lionel.
Even as freely
As you forget my quarrels made with you,
Raised from the errors first begot by him,
I here remit all free. I now am calm,
But had I seized upon him in my spleen—
Reignald.
I knew that, therefore this was my invention,
For policy’s the art still of prevention.
Clown.
Come down, then, Reignald,—first on your hands and feet, and then on your knees to your master.—Now, gentlemen, what do you say to your inviting to my master’s feast?
Ricott.
We will attend him.
Old Lionel.
Nor do I love to break good company,
For Master Wincott is my worthy friend
And old acquaintance—[Reignald descends.] Oh, thou crafty wag-string!
And couldst thou thus delude me? But we are friends.—
Nor, gentlemen, let not what’s hereto past,
In your least thoughts disable my estate:
This my last voyage hath made all things good,
With surplus too; be that your comfort, son.
Well, Reignald——But no more.
Reignald.
I was the fox,
But I from henceforth will no more the cox—
Comb put upon your pate.
Old Lionel.
Let’s walk, gentlemen.
[Exeunt.