Scene II A Room in Sir Harry’s House
Enter Sir Harry and Taber.
Sir Harry.
Ha, then thou sawest them whispering with my daughter?
Taber.
I saw them, if it shall please you, not whisper, but—
Sir Harry.
How then, thou knave!
Taber.
Marry, sir knight, I saw them in sad19 talk; but to say they were directly whispering, I am not able.
Sir Harry.
Why, Taber, that sad talk was whispering.
Taber.
Nay, they did not greatly whisper, for I heard what was said, and what was said I have the wit to keep to myself.
Sir Harry.
What said the unthrift, Taber? tell me, knave;
Tell me, good knave, what did the unthrift say?
Taber.
I am loth to be called in question about men and women’s matters, but as soon as ever he saw your daughter I heard what was spoke.
Sir Harry.
Here, sirrah, take thy quarter’s wages afore-hand,
And tell me all their words, and what their greeting
Was at their first encounter; hold thine hand.
Taber.
Thanks, noble sir; and now I’ll tell you. Your daughter being walking to take the air of the fields, and I before her, whom should we meet just in the nick—
Sir Harry.
Just in the nick, man!
Taber.
In the highway I meant, sir.
Sir Harry.
Ha, and what conference passed betwixt them, Taber?
Taber.
As well as my pipe can utter, you shall know, sir. This gentleman meeting with my young mistress full butt—imagine you were she, and I young Master Sencer; now there you come, and here I meet you; he comes in this manner, and puts off his hat in this fashion.
Sir Harry.
Ay, but what said he?
Taber.
“Be with you,20 fair gentlewoman;” and so goes quite away, and scarce so much as once looked back: and if this were language to offer to a young lady, judge you.
Sir Harry.
But spake he nothing else?
Taber.
Nothing, as I am true.
Sir Harry.
Why, man, all this was nothing.
Taber.
Yes, sir, it was as much as my quarter’s wages afore-hand.
Enter Sencer, Haringfield, and Gratiana.
Gratiana.
Here are two gentlemen, with great desire,
Crave conference with my father. Here he is:
Now, gallants, you may freely speak your minds.
Sencer.
Save you, sir! my name is Sencer; I am a Northamptonshire gentleman, born to a thousand pound land by the year: I love your daughter, and I am come to crave your good-will.
Sir Harry.
Have you my daughter’s, that you covet mine?
Sencer.
No, sir, but I hope in time I shall have.
Sir Harry.
So hope not I, sir. Sir, my daughter’s young,
And you a gentleman unknown. Sencer! ha, Sencer?
Oh, sir, your name I now remember well;
’Tis ranked ’mongst unthrifts, dicers, swaggerers, and drunkards:
Were not you brought before me, some month since,
For beating of the watch? by the same token,
I sent you to the Counter.21
Sencer.
I confess myself to have been in that action, but note the cause, sir: you could not have pleasured me so much, in giving me a piece of gold, as at the same time to help me to that Counter.
Sir Harry.
Why, sir, what cause had you to beat the watch,
And raise a midnight tumult in the streets?
Sencer.
Nay, but hear me, sweet Sir Harry. Being somewhat late at supper at the Mitre, the doors were shut at my lodging; I knocked at three or four places more; all were a-bed, and fast; inns, taverns, none would give me entertainment. Now, would you have had me despaired, and lain in the streets? No, I bethought me of a trick worth two of that, and presently devised, having at that time a charge of money about me, to be lodged, and safely too.
Sir Harry.
As how, I pray you?
Sencer.
Marry, thus: I had knocked my heels against the ground a good while, knew not where to have a bed for love or money. Now, what did I, but, spying the watch, went and hit the constable a good souse on the ear, who provided me of a lodging presently? and the next day, being brought before your worship, I was then sent thither back again, where I lay three or four days without control.
Sir Harry.
Oh, you’re a gallant! Is that gentleman
A suitor too?
Haringfield.
I am a suitor in my friend’s behalf,
No otherwise. I can assure you, sir,
He is a gentleman descended well,
Derived from a good house, well qualified,
And well possessed; but that which most should move you,
He loves your daughter.
Gratiana.
[Aside.] But were I to choose
Which of these two should please my fancy best,
I sooner should affect this gentleman,
For his mild carriage and his fair discourse,
Than my hot suitor. Ruffians I detest;
A smooth and square behaviour likes me most.
Sencer.
What say you to me, lady?
Gratiana.
You had best ask my father what I should say.
Sencer.
Are you angry, sweet lady, that I asked your father’s consent?
Gratiana.
No; if you can get his consent to marry him, shall it displease me?
Haringfield.
Indeed you therein much forget yourself,
To sound her father ere you tasted her.22
You should have first sought means for her goodwill,
And after compassed his.
Sir Harry.
He can prevail with neither.—Gentlemen,
If you will come to revel, you are welcome;
If to my table, welcome; if to use me
In any grateful office, welcome too;
But, if you come as suitors, there’s the door.
Sencer.
The door!
Sir Harry.
I say the door.
Sencer.
Why, sir, tell not me of your door, nor going out of it. Your company is fair and good, and so is your daughter’s; I’ll stay here this twelvemonth, ere I’ll offer to trouble your door.
Sir Harry.
Sir, but you shall not.—Taber! where’s that knave?
Sencer.
Why, sir, I hope you do not mean to make us dance, that you call for a tabor.
Haringfield.
Nay, Master Sencer, do not urge the knight;
He is incensed now; choose a fitter hour,
And tempt his love in that. Old men are testy;
Their rage, if stood against, grows violent,
But, suffered and forborne, confounds itself.
Sir Harry.
Where’s Taber?
Taber. [Coming forward.]
At hand, noble master.
Sir Harry.
Show them the door.
Taber.
That I will,—and take money too, if it please them.
Sencer.
Is thy name Taber?
Taber.
I am so yclept, sir.
Sencer.
And, Taber, are you appointed to give us Jack Drum’s entertainment?23
Taber.
Why, sir, you do not play upon me.
Sencer.
Though I cannot, yet I have known an hare that could. But, knight, thou dost not forbid us thine house?
Sir Harry.
Yes, and forewarn it too.
Sencer.
But, by thy favour, we may choose whether we will take any warning or no. Well, farewell, old knight! though thou forbid’st me thine house, I’ll honour thee, and extol thee; and, though thou keep’st me from thy daughter, thou shalt not hinder me to love her and admire her, and, by thy favour, sometimes to see her. A cat may look at a king, and so may I at her. Give me thine hand, knight; the next time I come into thy company, thou shalt not only bid me welcome, but hire me to stay with thee, and thy daughter.
Sir Harry.
When I do that enjoy my full consent
To marry Gratiana.
Sencer.
’Tis a match; strike me luck. Wife that may be, farewell; father-in-law that must be, adieu. Taber, play before my friend and I will dance after.
[Exeunt Sencer, Haringfield and Taber.
Sir Harry.
When I receive thee gladly to mine house,
And wage thy stay, thou shalt have Gratiana,
Doubt not thou shalt. Here’s a strange humourist
To come a-wooing. [Re-enter Taber.] Taber, are they gone?
Taber.
I have played them away, if it please your worship; and yonder at the door attends a schoolmaster; you sent for him, if you remember, to teach my little young master and mistress.
Sir Harry.
A proper scholar; pray him to come near.
Enter Sir24 Boniface.
Sir Boniface.
Eques honoratus, ave salutatus! non video quid est in tergo, sed salve, bona virgo.
Sir Harry.
Sir, you may call me nicknames: if you love me,
Speak in your mother-tongue; or, at the least,
If learning be so much allied unto you,
That Latin unawares flows from your lips,
To make your mind familiar with my knowledge,
Pray utter it in English: what’s your name?
Sir Boniface.
Sit faustum tibi omen.
I’ll tell you my nomen.
Sir Harry.
Will you tell it to no men?
I’ll entertain none ere I know their names.
Nay, if you be so dainty of your name,
You are not for my service.
Sir Boniface.
Intende, vir nobilis.
Sir Harry.
Not for twenty nobles:
Trust me, I will not buy your name so dear.
Sir Boniface.
O ignorantia! what it is to deal with stupidity? Sir Henry, Sir Henry, hear me one word: I see, Preceptor legit, vos vero negligitis.
Taber.
I think he saith we are a company of fools and nidgets;25 but I hope you shall not find us such, Master Schoolmaster.
Sir Harry.
Friend, friend, to cut off all vain circumstance,
Tell me your name, and answer me directly,
Plainly, and to my understanding too,
Or I shall leave you. Here’s a deal of gibberish!
Sir Boniface.
Vir bone——
Sir Harry.
Nay, nay, make me no bones,26 but do’t.
Sir Boniface.
Then, in plain vulgar English, I am called Sir Boniface Absee.
Sir Harry.
Why, this is somewhat like, Sir Boniface!
Give me thine hand; thou art a proper man,
And in my judgment, a great scholar too.
What shall I give thee by the year?
Sir Boniface.
I’ll trust, sir, to your generosity;
I will not bargain, but account myself,
Mille et mille modis, bound to you.
Sir Harry.
I cannot leave my mills; they’re farmed already:
The stipend that I give shall be in money.
Taber.
Sure, sir, this is some miller that comes to undermine you, in the shape of a schoolmaster.
Gratiana.
You both mistake the scholar.
Sir Harry.
I understand my English, that I know;
What’s more than modern doth surpass my reach.
Sir Boniface, come to me two days hence,
You shall receive an answer; I have now
Matters of some import that trouble me,
Thou shouldst be else despatched.
Taber.
Sir Boniface, if you come to live in our house, and be a familist amongst us, I shall desire your better acquaintance; your name and my physiognomy should have some consanguinity, good Sir Boniface.
Sir Boniface.
Quomodo vales, quomodo vales.
Taber.
Go with you to the ale-house? I like the motion well; I’ll make an excuse out of doors and follow you. I am glad yet, we shall have a good-fellow come into the house amongst us.
Sir Boniface.
Vale, vir magne.
Sir Harry.
You shall not have me at Saint Magnes, my house is here in Gracious-street.
Sir Boniface.
I know it, sweet knight, I know it. Then, virgo formosa et Domine gratiose valete.
Sir Harry.
Ay, in Gracious-street you shall hear of me, Sir Boniface.
[Exit Sir Boniface.]
He shall instruct my children; and to thee,
Fair Gratiana, read the Latin tongue.
Taber.
Who shall? Sir Bawdy-face?
Sir Harry.
Sir Boniface, you fool.
Taber.
His name is so hard to hit on.
Sir Harry.
Come, daughter, if things fall out as I intend,
My thoughts shall peace have, and these troubles end.
[Exeunt.