The Lisbon Packet. Byron
Huzza! Hodgson, we are going,
Our embargo’s off at last;
Favorable breezes blowing
Bend the canvas o’er the mast.
From aloft the signal’s streaming,
Hark! the farewell gun is fired;
Women screeching, tars blaspheming,
Tell us that our time’s expired.
Here’s a rascal
Come to task all,
Prying from the custom-house;
Trunks unpacking,
Cases cracking,
Not a corner for a mouse
‘Scapes unsearched amid the racket,
Ere we sail on board the Packet.
Now our boatmen quit their mooring,
And all hands must ply the oar;
Baggage from the quay is lowering,
We’re impatient—push from shore.
“Have a care! that case holds liquor—
Stop the boat—I’m sick—O Lord!”
“Sick, ma’am, damme, you’ll be sicker
Ere you’ve been an hour on board.”
Thus are screaming
Men and women,
Gemmen, ladies, servants, Jacks;
Here entangling,
All are wrangling,
Stuck together close as wax.—
Such the general noise and racket,
Ere we reach the Lisbon Packet.
Now we’ve reached her, lo! the captain,
Gallant Kid, commands the crew;
Passengers their berths are clapped in,
Some to grumble, some to spew.
“Hey day! call you that a cabin?
Why, ’tis hardly three feet square;
Not enough to stow Queen Mab in—
Who the deuce can harbor there?”
“Who, sir? plenty—
Nobles twenty
Did at once my vessel fill.”—
“Did they? Jesus,
How you squeeze us!
Would to God they did so still;
Then I’d ’scape the heat and racket
Of the good ship Lisbon Packet.”
Fletcher! Murray! Bob! where are you?
Stretched along the decks like logs—
Bear a hand, you jolly tar, you!
Here’s a rope’s end for the dogs.
Hobhouse muttering fearful curses,
As the hatchway down he rolls,
Now his breakfast, now his verses,
Vomits forth—and damns our souls.
“Here’s a stanza
On Braganza—
Help!”—“A couplet?”—“No, a cup
Of warm water—”
“What’s the matter?”
“Zounds! my liver’s coming up;
I shall not survive the racket
Of this brutal Lisbon Packet.”
Now at length we’re off for Turkey,
Lord knows when we shall come back!
Breezes foul and tempests murky
May unship us in a crack.
But, since life at most a jest is,
As philosophers allow,
Still to laugh by far the best is,
Then laugh on—as I do now.
Laugh at all things,
Great and small things,
Sick or well, at sea or shore;
While we’re quaffing,
Let’s have laughing—
Who the devil cares for more?—
Some good wine! and who would lack it,
Even on board the Lisbon Packet?
To Fanny. Thomas Moore
Never mind how the pedagogue proses,
You want not antiquity’s stamp,
The lip that’s so scented by roses,
Oh! never must smell of the lamp.
Old Chloe, whose withering kisses
Have long set the loves at defiance,
Now done with the science of blisses,
May fly to the blisses of science!
Young Sappho, for want of employments,
Alone o’er her Ovid may melt,
Condemned but to read of enjoyments,
Which wiser Corinna had felt.
But for YOU to be buried in books—
Oh, FANNY! they’re pitiful sages;
Who could not in ONE of your looks
Read more than in millions of pages!
Astronomy finds in your eye
Better light than she studies above,
And music must borrow your sigh
As the melody dearest to love.
In Ethics—’tis you that can check,
In a minute, their doubts and their quarrels
Oh! show but that mole on your neck,
And ’twill soon put an end to their morals.
Your Arithmetic only can trip
When to kiss and to count you endeavor;
But eloquence glows on your lip
When you swear that you’ll love me forever
Thus you see what a brilliant alliance
Of arts is assembled in you—
A course of more exquisite science
Man never need wish to go through!
And, oh!—if a fellow like me
May confer a diploma of hearts,
With my lip thus I seal your degree,
My divine little Mistress of Arts!
Young Jessica. Thomas Moore
Young Jessica sat all the day,
In love-dreams languishingly pining,
Her needle bright neglected lay,
Like truant genius idly shining.
Jessy, ’tis in idle hearts
That love and mischief are most nimble;
The safest shield against the darts
Of Cupid, is Minerva’s thimble.
A child who with a magnet play’d,
And knew its winning ways so wily,
The magnet near the needle laid,
And laughing, said, “We’ll steal it slily.”
The needle, having naught to do,
Was pleased to let the magnet wheedle,
Till closer still the tempter drew,
And off, at length, eloped the needle.
Now, had this needle turn’d its eye
To some gay reticule’s construction,
It ne’er had stray’d from duty’s tie,
Nor felt a magnet’s sly seduction.
Girls would you keep tranquil hearts,
Your snowy fingers must be nimble;
The safest shield against the darts
Of Cupid, is Minerva’s thimble.