Sir Tilbury Tott71
The plump Lady Tott to her husband one day
Said, “Let us go driving this evening, I pray.”
(Lady Tott was an alderman’s daughter.)
“Well, where shall we go?” said Sir Tilbury Tott;
“Why, my love,” said my lady, “the weather is hot,
Suppose we drive round by the water,—
The water,—
Suppose we drive round by the water.”
The dinner was ended, the claret was “done,”
The knight getting up—getting down was the sun,—
And my lady agog for heart-slaughter;
When Sir Tilbury, lazy, like cows after grains,
Said, “The weather is lowering, my love; see, it rains,—
Only look at the drops in the water,—
The water,—
Only look at the drops in the water.”
Lady Tott, who, when earnestly fix’d on a drive,
Overcame all excuses Sir Til might contrive,
Had her bonnet and parasol brought her:
Says she, “Dear Sir Til, don’t let me ask in vain;
The dots in the pond which you take to be rain,
Are nothing but flies in the water,—
The water,—
Are nothing but flies in the water.”
Sir Tilbury saw that he could not escape;
So he put on his coat, with a three-doubled cape,
And then by the hand gently caught her;
And lifting her up to his high one-horse “shay,”
She settled her “things,” and the pair drove away,
And skirted the edge of the water,—
The water,—
And skirted the edge of the water.
Sir Til was quite right; on the top of his crown,
Like small shot in volleys, the rain pepper’d down,—
Only small shot would do much more slaughter,—
Till the gay Lady Tott, who was getting quite wet,
Said, “My dear Sir T. T.,” in a kind of half pet,
“Turn back, for I’m drench’d with rain-water,—
Rain-water,—
Turn back, for I’m drench’d with rain-water.”
“Oh, dear Lady T,” said Til, winking his eye,
“You everything know so much better than I;”
(For, when angry, with kindness he fought her.)
“You may fancy this rain, as I did before,
But you show’d me my folly;—’tis really no more
Than the skimming of flies in the water,—
The water,—
Than the skimming of flies in the water.”
He drove her about for an hour or two,
Till her ladyship’s clothes were completely soak’d through,
Then home to Tott Cottage he brought her,
And said, “Now, Lady T., by the joke of to-night,
I’ll reign over you; for you’ll own that I’m right,
And know rain, ma’am, from flies in the water,—
The water,—
Know rain, ma’am, from flies in the water.”