Michael’s Dinner; or, Staunch Friends to Reform
Fair Reform—celestial maid!
Hope of Britons!—hope of Britons!
Calls her followers to her aid;
She has fit ones!—she has fit ones!
They would brave, in danger’s day,
Death to win her!—Death to win her!
If they met not by the way
Michael’s dinner—Michael’s dinner!
Lambton leads the patriot van;
Noble fellow—generous fellow!
Quite the dandy of the clan—
Rather yellow—rather yellow!
Of fair Liberty he tells
Tales bewitching—tales bewitching;
But they vanish, when he smells
Michael’s kitchen—Michael’s kitchen!
Lawyer Brougham is next in rank;
Prates like Babel—prates like Babel;
He has never eat or drank
At Bribery’s table—Bribery’s table;
What, then, now can stop his mouth,
In this hot age—in this hot age?
’Tis, if he would tell the truth,
Michael’s potage—Michael’s potage!
Hobhouse, who pretends to νους,
Cur of Burdett—cur of Burdett;
Fired his pop-gun, but the House
Never heard it—never heard it;
He foresaw, from Canning’s lash,
Stripes too cutting—stripes too cutting,
So he sneak’d away to hash
Michael’s mutton—Michael’s mutton.
Where was, on that famous night,
Hume the surgeon?—Hume the surgeon?
Who pretends to set us right
By constant purging—constant purging;
No division yet expecting—
Fond of work, he—fond of work, he—
At the moment was dissecting
Michael’s turkey—Michael’s turkey!
Fergusson his place may choose
In the bevy—in the bevy;
He’s the real Taylor’s goose,
Hot and heavy—hot and heavy—
He’d out-do, with sword and flame,
Senna-cherib—Senna-cherib.
What, that evening, made him tame?
Michael’s spare-rib—Michael’s spare-rib.
Thus the social round they form,
In Privy-Gardens—Privy-Gardens;
And they care about Reform
Not three farthings—not three farthings.
To yawn and vote let others stay,
Who can bear it—who can bear it;
They, much wiser, drink away
Michael’s claret—Michael’s claret.
While ye thus, in claret, Sirs,
Lose your reason—lose your reason;
England will recover hers,
Lost last season—lost last season!
Faction’s mobs—Sedition’s hordes
Must grow thinner—must grow thinner,
When plain Common Sense records
Michael’s dinner—Michael’s dinner!
Have you been to Bran-den-burgh? Heigh, Ma’am, Ho, Ma’am?
You’ve been to Bran-den-burgh, Ho? Oh, yes, I have been, Ma’am, to
vi-sit the Queen, Ma’am, with the rest of the gal-lan-ty
show, show; with the rest of the gal-lan-ty show.
And who were your company—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Who were your company, ho?
—We happen’d to drop in,
With Gem’men from Wapping,
And Ladies from Blowbladder-Row——Row,
And Ladies from Blowbladder-Row.
What saw you at Brandenburgh,—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What saw you at Brandenburgh, ho?
—We saw a great dame,
With a face red as flame,
And a character spotless as snow——snow,
And a character spotless as snow.
And what said her Majesty—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What said her Majesty, ho?
—What I understood’s,
She’s come for our goods,
And when she has got them, she’ll go——go,
And when she has got them, she’ll go.
And who were attending her—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Who were attending her, ho?
Lord Hood for a man,
For a Maid, Lady Anne,
And Alderman Wood for a beau——beau,
And Alderman Wood for a beau.
And the Alderman’s family—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
The Alderman’s family, ho?
—Yes—Georgy, and Kitty,
One fat—t’other pretty,
And the son who was brought up at Bow——Bow,
The son who was brought up at Bow.
And had she no Countesses—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no Countesses, ho?
—O yes!—painted Jersey,
Who might have worn kersey,
Had folks their deserts here, below——low,
Had folks their deserts here below.
And had she no other, Ma’am—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no other, Ma’am, ho?
—There was one Lady Grey,
Whose temper, they say,
Like her Lord’s, is as sweet as a sloe——sloe,
Like her Lord’s, is as sweet as a sloe.
Was no one from Croxteth there—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
No one from Croxteth there, ho?
—Oh, no—Lady Sefton
Would sooner have left town,
Both her and her daughters—than go——go,
Both her and her daughters—than go.
And had she no Commoners—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no Commoners, ho?
—I happen’d to look,
And could find in her book
Only Fergusson, Taylor, and Co.——Co.,
Fergusson, Taylor, and Co.
And had she no son-in-law—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no son-in-law, ho?
—Yes; time-serving Leopold,
A puppet that we uphold,
Though neither for use nor for show——show,
Neither for use nor for show.
And did they meet tenderly—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Did they meet tenderly, ho?
—They were both so intent,
About taxes and rent,
That they never once thought of their woe——woe,
They never once thought of their woe.
And had she no Counsellors—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no Counsellors, ho?
—Yes; one Mr. Brougham,
Who sneak’d out of her room,
Pretending the Circuit to go——go,
Pretending the Circuit to go.
How fared he at Lancaster—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
How fared he at Lancaster, ho?
—They physick’d and bled,
And they blister’d his head,
And kept him uncommonly low——low,
And kept him uncommonly low.
Had she no solicitor—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no solicitor, ho?
—Yes, one Mr. Vizard,
Who, being no wizard,
She overboard hasten’d to throw——throw,
She overboard hasten’d to throw.
And has she two Chamberlains—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she two Chamberlains, ho?
—Yes! both strapping fellows,
Would make a man jealous,
With whiskers as black as a crow——crow,
With whiskers as black as a crow.
And had she no beggar’s brat—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Had she no beggar’s brat, ho?
—Yes, one, pale and silly,
Whom she calls Sir Billy;
But whose brat he is, I don’t know——know,
But whose brat he is, I don’t know.
And has she a Clergyman—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she a Clergyman, ho?
—Yes, one Doctor Fellowes,
Who puffs like a bellows,
The coals of sedition to blow——blow,
The coals of sedition to blow.
And has she no General—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she no General, ho?
—Yes, poor prating Wilson,
Who, if he e’er kills one,
’Tis more by a word than a blow——blow,
’Tis more by a word than a blow.
And has she a Banking-house—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she a Banking-house, ho?
—When Coutts was unhandsome,
She shifted to Ransome,
To whom she does nothing but owe——owe,
To whom she does nothing but owe.
Has she a good table, Ma’am—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she a good table, Ma’am, ho?
—There is one Mrs. Wilde,
Who her cook-maid is styled,
But they say that her soups are so-so——so,
They say that her soups are so-so.
And what are her drinkables—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What are her drinkables, ho?
—It being but noon,
She said ’twas too soon
For any thing else but Noyeau——yeau,
Any thing else but Noyeau.
And has she a bed-fellow—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Has she a bed-fellow, ho?
—I asked one Vassalli,
Who said, “Fi-donc, allez,
Ma chère, you no business to know——know,
You have no business to know.”
How spent she her time abroad—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
How spent she her time abroad, ho?
—In hugging her valet,
And dancing a ballet,
And kissing Pope Pius’s toe——toe,
Kissing Pope Pius’s toe.
Was she at Jerusalem—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Was she at Jerusalem, ho?
—She borrow’d an ass,
To ride on—but, alas!
She couldn’t get donkey to go——go,
She couldn’t get donkey to go.
What did she in Africa—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What did she in Africa, ho?
—She set, at Algiers,
All the Turks by the ears,
Till they found she was fifty or so——so,
Till they found she was fifty or so.
What did she in Lombardy—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What did she in Lombardy, ho?
—Her tradesmen she pilfer’d,
Bamboozled Lord Guilford,
And choused Marietti and Co.——Co.,
And choused Marietti and Co.
What did she at Napoli—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
What did she at Napoli, ho?
—With sorrow I speak it,
She went, mother—naked,
And laurell’d the bust of King Joe——Joe,
And laurell’d the bust of King Joe.
Will she have a drawing-room—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Will she have a drawing-room, ho?
—Oh, yes, I presume,
That she might find a room,
If she could but find any to go——go,
If she could but find any to go.
Will she soon sail for Italy—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Soon sail for Italy, ho?
—She’ll go there no more,
Since what Barbara swore,
She fears German spies on the Po——Po,
She fears German spies on the Po.
Will she go to Switzerland—Heigh, Ma’am, ho, Ma’am?
Will she go to Switzerland, ho?
—She says that the Swiss,
Never tell when they kiss,
So she’s all for the Paÿs de Vaud——Vaud,
She’s all for the Paÿs de Vaud.