XXX Oats
Munny has dun one thing fur the world that no thing else could hav did so well—it has developed the phools.
The best kind ov advice fur me tew foller is this: “Pay tew the order ov Josh Billings 50 dollars and charge mi akount—John Burch.” I had rather hav 10 Dollars ov this kind ov advice than six hundred in Christian consolashun; there is more sassage in it.
Although mankind worship wealth, I will give them credit fur one thing—they seldom mistake it fur brains.
Most aul the grate things hav bin did by taking the chances. Prudence has but one eye, while fortune has a thousand.
If a man has 2 stummuks and 2 outsides, thare might be sum excuse fur adding 10 thousand dollars more each year tew his pile.
I don’t read enny boddy else’s poetry but Homer’s, upon the same principle that i alwus drink, when it is just as handy, out ov a spring, instead ov the outlet.
Treason is one ov them kind ov stains that wash well.
If a man has got tew be poor aul his life, I aint sure but it would be sum munny in his pocket tew be ignorant.
Fust class virtu is alwus anxus tew avoid temptashun.
Yu kant transplant a Yaukee suckcessfully without taking up a good deal ov the sile with the roots.
Originality in writing is as diffikult as gitting a fishpole by the side ov a trout brook—aul the good poles hav bin cut long ago.
It is easy enuff tew git religion, but tew hold it is what bothers a fellow. A good grip is better than rubis—yea! than mutch fine cotten cloth.
I enjoy a good laff—one that rushes out ov a man’s soul like the breaking up ov a Sunday school; but a laff that cums tew the surface, as the hickucks cum, or backs out ov a man, like the struggles ov a chicken choked with a chunk ov haff wet dough, i utterly lament.
Thare aint no poetry in poverty, but enny number ov feet ov blank verse.
When a fellow knows he is being stared at, it makes him act as unnatral as though he wos setting fur his picktur.
I am called a “broad humorist,” and i am glad ov it: thare is plenty ov narrow humorists in the country without me.
Enny man who will kompell a woman tew make a shirt fur 20 cents, ought tew be filled full ov fish-hooks and be used for bait tew ketch other sharks with.
Silence is one ov the negativ virtews.