A New Edition of the Universal — Spelling Book, Spelling Book, or a Lesson for the Unions
Tutor. Now my Scholars, all of you that renounce the Whigs and all their works, stand up, and I will hear you say your lessons.—Know my children, that those who we hailed as friends a short time back, were but wolves in lamb’s clothing, and are now about to attack you, the children of the Unions and members of the flock of the good Shepherd of Birmingham; but my good children, be firm, and you will yet escape their devouring jaws. Know you, my children, that ferocious wolf of Winchelsea is about to disunite you?
Pupil. (Laughing.) Ah! ah! ah!
T. What are you laughing at, you young dog?
P. Why, sir, I really thought you was joking, when you said ferocious wolf, for I think he is more like a skulking Fox.
T. Aye! you young dog, do you mean to call the big and noble animal of Winchelsea, a skulking Fox?—Did he not bravely challenge the Tiger of Waterloo at Battersea?
P. That he did, sir, and bravely skulked away.
T. What sir! did he not nobly fight, and return the fire?
P. That he did, sir, in the air.
T. But do you mean to say that he flew from the shot?
P. Oh no, sir, for he received a mortal wound in the tail.
T. Well, come come, I find you are a good lad, and learn your lesson.—But I was about to say that this big Battersea Hermit said a short time back that your Unions must be suppressed, for that, while you are united, the Wolves of St. Stephens cannot easily prey upon you.—But, my good children, you that are of the flock of the Unions, be firm, and Attwood your Shepherd, will defend you from their avaricious jaws. Now, you sit down, while I hear little Radical his lesson.—Now Radical——
P. Here, sir.
T. Let me hear you say the lesson I set you—now, go on.
P.
A—was an Addled-egg, of a pension most rare,
B—was one B....y, that call’d her his dear.
T. That’s right, my boy.
P.
C—was a Chapel. St. Stephens by name,
D—was the Dukes who sit there in shame.
E—was an Eldon, who’d put down penny papers,
F—was one Franky, who now can cut capers.
G—was the Gammon for the people invented,
H—was one Hobby with cabbage stumps pelted.
T. Very good, my lad.
P.
J—was a Jury, whose verdict was right.
K—it was Knowledge, that’s power and might.
L—it was Loyalty, that once reigned in each breast,
M—was the Millions that now are oppress’d.
T. Very true, my boy.
P.
N—was a Noble, a mad Scottish fool,
O—was O’Connell, of the Patriot’s school.
P—was the Peelers, whose glory is past,
Q—was a Question—how long will they last?
R—was Reform, that was spoilt in the nursing,
S—it was S——y, that old Ireland’s cursing.
T—was the Times of Old England’s distress.
U—is the Unions Placemen wish to suppress.
V—is the Verdict of a few honest men,
W—is the Whigs, who’d that verdict suspend,
X—is the cross with which it will end.
I can’t say any more, sir.
T. There’s a good boy, now get your spelling book, and I will hear you read the Fable of the Ministers in Danger.
P. (Reading.) There was a Ministry in Danger of a Turn-out, and many were their opinions concerning the best plan to be adopted to secure their seats, when a noble Hermit said there was nothing so good as a Coercion Bill; an Ex-Chancellor (called Bags) said a Coercion Bill might do very well, but there was nothing so good nor so essential as the Suppression of the Penny Press; but their Wise and Grey old Leader being present said, gentlemen, you can do as you please, but take my word there is nothing like the Destruction of the Unions.
T. There’s a good child—now you sit down, and I’ll hear young Anti his spelling and meanings. Now Anti.
P. Here, sir.
T. Spell me Attwood. (The boy here spells the words, and gives the meanings as follows.) A tough wood of a good grain, grows in Birmingham, and is used as the principal material in building up the Unions.
Brougham. A broom worn to a stump, formerly the Queen’s own, but now owned by none.
Callthorpe. A word despised by the Whigs, but will ever live in the hearts of the People.
Dan. A Patriot of the land of Coercion, where St. Patrick banished the toads, and Stanley the freedom.
Eldon. Old Bags, one that shed an abundance of crocodile tears without one drop of pity.
Frank. A pretended friend to the people, arrived at his second childishness, and plays at Shuttlecock with the Electors of Westminster.
Grey. A dealer in humbugs: who behaved as a father to the people by giving them that which they asked for—The Bill, the whole Bill, and Nothing but the Bill!
Hobby. A Westminster Rat, who had so often received the favours of the people that at last they had nothing to give but cabbage stumps, which he received in showers at Covent Garden.
Justice. A balance between Might and Right, but always leaning to power and riches.
King. A title of Monarchy, and Idol of an immense weight.
Loyalty. A word nearly threadbare in some countries.
Mouth. A part of the human body padlocked by law.
Peelers. A body of great Force. Brave and noble conquerors of an un-armed and peaceable people.
Reform. A word that filled the mouths of thousands, but the stomachs of few; a thing without benefits.
Truncheon. A knock-down argument of power, an instrument of the Whigs.
Union. A word despised by all Oppressors.
Verdict. A word lately known as a Terror to the Blues, but the Glory of others.
T. There’s a good boy, now read me the Fable of the Mountain and the Mouse.
P. (Reading.) There was a Bill which made a great noise in a certain country for many years, and they said it was in Labour, and the People looked with hopes for a Production of great Benefits, and great was their joy at the thoughts, when after many months pain and anxiety, it produced a Mouse.
T. I hope my children, this will be a warning to you, never build your hopes on the promises of those who are reaping the harvest of your labour, for they will take away your Substance, and leave you the Shadow to feed upon.
You trusted to Whigs, and the Tories turn’d out,
Now which of the two is the best there’s a doubt;
For the Tories and Whigs are all birds of a feather,
May the D——l come soon and take both together.
J. MORTON.
Quick, Printer, 42, Bowling Green Lane, Clerkenwell, and at 8, Little Paternoster Row, Spitalfields.