The Agony Bill. Agony Bill
Dear me what a change has seen our nation,
Since we’ve reformed our legislation,
Each M.P. as now the fashion,
Brings a new bill every session.
Because one did in the way of peace act,
By getting past the New Police Act;
Another wants a grand reversion,
So brings you a Sabbath Bill Coercion!
At this you’ll laugh for its meant to gag you,
This is the bill of Saint Andrew Agnew.
This worthy, pious emasculator,
Who talks of setting your morals straighter,
Vows by the Gods your pleasures to be balking,
He’ll put a stop to your Sunday walking,
When persons are preaching, then will be search time
To collar them that’s walking in church time,
The tenants of houses and those of floors then,
Must not venture out ot doors then.
All those who brew their home brew’d beer then,
At times I’m sure will quake with fear then,
And dread to let it in the vat lay,
Lest it should happen to work on that day,
Then if you’re seized with cough or phtisic,
You must not even swallow physic!
For ’its decreed all rest that one day,
So not even salts must work on Sunday!
Dumb animals they’ll be strangely puzzled,
When Sunday comes each dog must be muzzled,
The cocks must on their roosts abide up,
And to stop their crowings their beaks must be tied up,
A noise with contempt will the act be treating,
The calves and the sheep must be kept from bleating,
The dairies must close from twelve to twelve, sir,
And as to the cows they must milk themselves, sir.
No duck must lay, no cat must kitten,
The hen must leave her nest through sitting,
Though painful is the separation,
She must quit the scene of incubation!
Married men will to quake be inclined then,
For fear their wives should be confined then,
For as no labour’s allowed on Sundays,
Of course she must put it off till the Mondays.
John Harkness, Printer, 121, Church Street, Preston.