Act the Fourth
Scene I A Room in Gripe’s House
Enter Mrs. Joyner and Gripe, the latter in a blue gown and nightcap.
Mrs. Joyn. What, not well, your worship! This it is, you will be laying out yourself beyond your strength. You have taken a surfeit of the little gentlewoman, I find. Indeed you should not have been so immoderate in your embraces; your worship is something in years, in truly.
Gripe. Graceless, perfidious woman! what makest thou here? art thou not afraid to be used like an informer, since thou hast made me pay thee for betraying me?
Mrs. Joyn. Betray your worship! what do you mean? I an informer! I scorn your words!
Gripe. Woman, I say again, thou art as treacherous as an informer, and more unreasonable; for he lets us have something for our money before he disturb us.
Mrs. Joyn. Your money, I’m sure, was laid out faithfully; and I went away because I would not disturb you.
Gripe. I had not grudged you the money I gave you:—but the five hundred pounds! the five hundred pounds! Inconscionable, false woman, the five hundred pounds!—You cheated, trepanned, robbed me, of the five hundred pounds!
Mrs. Joyn. I cheat you! I rob you!—well, remember what you say, you shall answer it before Mr. Doublecap and the best of—
Gripe. Oh, impudent woman, speak softly!
Mrs. Joyn. I will not speak softly; for innocence is loud as well as barefaced. Is this your return, after you have made me a mere drudge to your filthy lusts?
Gripe. Speak softly; my sister, daughter, and servants, will hear.
Mrs. Joyn. I would have witnesses, to take notice that you blast my good name, which was as white as a tulip, and as sweet as the head of your cane, before you wrought me to the carrying on the work of your fleshly carnal seekings.
Gripe. Softly! softly! they are coming in.
Enter Lady Flippant and Mrs. Martha.
L. Flip. What’s the matter, brother?
Gripe. Nothing, nothing, sister, only the godly woman is fallen into a fit of zeal against the enormous transgressions of the age. Go! go! you do not love to hear vanity reproved; pray begone!
Mrs. Joyn. Pray stay, madam, that you may know—
Gripe. [Aside to Mrs. Joyner.] Hold! hold! here are five guineas for thee,—pray say nothing.—[Aloud.] Sister, pray begone, I say.—[Exeunt Lady Flippant and Mrs. Martha.] Would you prejudice your own reputation to injure mine?
Mrs. Joyn. Would you prejudice your own soul to wrong my repute, in truly? [Pretends to weep.
Gripe. Pray have me in excuse. Indeed, I thought you had a share of the five hundred pounds, because you took away my seal-ring; which they made me send, together with a note to my cash-keeper for five hundred pounds. Besides, I thought none but you knew it was my wonted token to send for money by.
Mrs. Joyn. ’Tis unlucky I should forget it, and leave it on the table!—But oh the harlotry! did she make that use of it then? ’twas no wonder you did not stay till I came back.
Gripe. I stayed till the money released me.
Mrs. Joyn. Have they the money, then? five hundred pounds!
Gripe. Too certain.
Mrs. Joyn. They told me not a word of it; and have you no way to retrieve it?
Gripe. Not any.
Mrs. Joyn. [Aside.] I am glad of it.—[Aloud.] Is there no law but against saints?
Gripe. I will not for five hundred pounds publish my transgression myself, lest I should be thought to glory in’t: though, I must confess, ’twould tempt a man to conform to public praying and sinning, since ’tis so chargeable to pray and sin in private.
Mrs. Joyn. But are you resolved to give off a loser?
Gripe. How shall I help it?
Mrs. Joyn. Nay, I’ll see you shall have what the young jade has, for your money; I’ll make ’em use some conscience, however.—Take a man’s money for nothing!
Gripe. Thou sayest honestly, indeed. And shall I have my pennyworths out of the little gentlewoman for all this?
Mrs. Joyn. I’ll be engaged body for body for her, and you shall take the forfeiture on me else.
Gripe. No, no, I’ll rather take your word, Mrs. Joyner.
Mrs. Joyn. Go in and dress yourself smug, and leave the rest to me.
Gripe. No man breathing would give-off a loser, as she says. [Exeunt.