Scene II Edmonton. A Room in Carter’s House
Enter Old Thorney and Carter.
O. Thor. You offer, Master Carter, like a gentleman; I cannot find fault with it, ’tis so fair.
Car. No gentleman I, Master Thorney; spare the Mastership, call me by my name, John Carter. Master is a title my father, nor his before him, were acquainted with; honest Hertfordshire yeomen; such an one am I; my word and my deed shall be proved one at all times. I mean to give you no security for the marriage money.
O. Thor. How! no security? although it need not so long as you live, yet who is he has surety of his life one hour? Men, the proverb says, are mortal; else, for my part, I distrust you not, were the sum double.
Car. Double, treble, more or less, I tell you, Master Thorney, I’ll give no security. Bonds and bills are but terriers to catch fools, and keep lazy knaves busy; my security shall be present payment. And we here about Edmonton hold present payment as sure as an alderman’s bond in London, Master Thorney.
O. Thor. I cry you mercy, sir; I understood you not.
Car. I like young Frank well, so does my Susan too; the girl has a fancy to him, which makes me ready in my purse. There be other suitors within, that make much noise to little purpose. If Frank love Sue, Sue shall have none but Frank. ’Tis a mannerly girl, Master Thorney, though but a homely man’s daughter; there have worse faces looked out of black bags, man.
O. Thor. You speak your mind freely and honestly. I marvel my son comes not; I am sure he will be here some time to-day.
Car. To-day or to-morrow, when he comes he shall be welcome to bread, beer, and beef, yeoman’s fare; we have no kickshaws: full dishes, whole bellyfuls. Should I diet three days at one of the slender city-suppers, you might send me to Barber-Surgeons’ hall the fourth day, to hang up for an anatomy.415—Here come they that—
Enter Warbeck with Susan, Somerton with Katherine.
How now, girls! every day play-day with you? Valentine’s day too, all by couples? Thus will young folks do when we are laid in our graves, Master Thorney; here’s all the care they take. And how do you find the wenches, gentlemen? have they any mind to a loose gown and a strait shoe? Win ’em and wear ’em; they shall choose for themselves by my consent.
War. You speak like a kind father.—Sue, thou hear’st
The liberty that’s granted thee; what say’st thou?
Wilt thou be mine?
Sus. Your what, sir? I dare swear
Never your wife.
War. Canst thou be so unkind,
Considering how dearly I affect thee,
Nay, dote on thy perfections?
Sus. You are studied,
Too scholar-like, in words I understand not.
I am too coarse for such a gallant’s love
As you are.
War. By the honour of gentility,—
Sus. Good sir, no swearing; yea and nay with us
Prevail above all oaths you can invent.
War. By this white hand of thine,—
Sus. Take a false oath!
Fie, fie! flatter the wise; fools not regard it,
And one of these am I.
War. Dost thou despise me?
Car. Let ’em talk on, Master Thorney; I know Sue’s mind. The fly may buzz about the candle, he shall but singe his wings when all’s done; Frank, Frank is he has her heart.
Som. But shall I live in hope, Kate?
Kath. Better so
Than be a desperate man.
Som. Perhaps thou think’st it is thy portion
I level at: wert thou as poor in fortunes
As thou art rich in goodness, I would rather
Be suitor for the dower of thy virtues
Than twice thy father’s whole estate; and, prithee,
Be thou resolved416 so.
Kath. Master Somerton,
It is an easy labour to deceive
A maid that will believe men’s subtle promises;
Yet I conceive of you as worthily
As I presume you to deserve.
Som. Which is,
As worthily in loving thee sincerely
As thou art worthy to be so beloved.
Kath. I shall find time to try you.
Som. Do, Kate, do;
And when I fail, may all my joys forsake me!
Car. Warbeck and Sue are at it still. I laugh to myself, Master Thorney, to see how earnestly he beats the bush, while the bird is flown into another’s bosom. A very unthrift, Master Thorney; one of the country roaring-lads: we have such as well as the city, and as arrant rake-hells as they are, though not so nimble at their prizes of wit. Sue knows the rascal to an hair’s-breadth, and will fit him accordingly.
O. Thor. What is the other gentleman?
Car. One Somerton; the honester man of the two by five pound in every stone-weight. A civil fellow; he has a fine convenient estate of land in West Ham, by Essex: Master Ranges, that dwells by Enfield, sent him hither. He likes Kate well; I may tell you I think she likes him as well: if they agree, I’ll not hinder the match for my part. But that Warbeck is such another—I use him kindly for Master Somerton’s sake; for he came hither first as a companion of his: honest men, Master Thorney, may fall into knaves’ company now and then.
War. Three hundred a-year jointure, Sue.
Sus. Where lies it?
By sea or by land? I think by sea.
War. Do I look like a captain?
Sus. Not a whit, sir.
Should all that use the seas be reckoned captains,
There’s not a ship should have a scullion in her
To keep her clean.
War. Do you scorn me, Mistress Susan?
Am I a subject to be jeered at?
Sus. Neither
Am I a property for you to use
As stale417 to your fond wanton loose discourse:
Pray, sir, be civil.
War. Wilt be angry, wasp?
Car. God-a-mercy, Sue! she’ll firk him, on my life, if he fumble with her.
Enter Frank.
Master Francis Thorney, you are welcome indeed; your father expected your coming. How does the right worshipful knight, Sir Arthur Clarington, your master?
Frank. In health this morning.—Sir, my duty.
O. Thor. Now
You come as I could wish.
War. [Aside] Frank Thorney, ha!
Sus. You must excuse me.
Frank. Virtuous Mistress Susan,
Kind Mistress Katharine. [Kisses them.]—Gentlemen, to both
Good time o’ th’ day.
Som. The like to you.
War. ’Tis he.
A word, friend. [Aside to Som.] On my life, this is the man
Stands fair in crossing Susan’s love to me.
Som. [Aside to War.] I think no less; be wise, and take no notice on’t;
He that can win her best deserves her.
War. [Aside to Som.] Marry
A serving-man? mew!
Som. [Aside to War.] Prithee, friend, no more.
Car. Gentlemen all, there’s within a slight dinner ready, if you please to taste of it; Master Thorney, Master Francis, Master Somerton.—Why, girls! what huswives! will you spend all your forenoon in tittle-tattles? away! it’s well, i’faith.—Will you go in, gentlemen?
O. Thor. We’ll follow presently; my son and I
Have a few words of business.
Car. At your pleasure. [Exeunt all but O. Thor. and Frank.
O. Thor. I think you guess the reason, Frank, for which
I sent for you.
Frank. Yes, sir.
O. Thor. I need not tell you
With what a labyrinth of dangers daily
The best part of my whole estate’s encumbered;
Nor have I any clue to wind it out
But what occasion proffers me; wherein
If you should falter, I shall have the shame,
And you the loss. On these two points rely
Our happiness or ruin. If you marry
With wealthy Carter’s daughter, there’s a portion
Will free my land; all which I will instate,418
Upon the marriage, to you: otherwise
I must be of necessity enforced
To make a present sale of all; and yet,
For aught I know, live in as poor distress,
Or worse, than now I do. You hear the sum?
I told you thus before; have you considered on’t?
Frank. I have, sir; and however I could wish
To enjoy the benefit of single freedom,—
For that I find no disposition in me
To undergo the burthen of that care
That marriage brings with it,—yet, to secure
And settle the continuance of your credit,
I humbly yield to be directed by you
In all commands.
O. Thor. You have already used
Such thriving protestations to the maid
That she is wholly yours; and—speak the truth—
You love her, do you not?
Frank. ’Twere pity, sir,
I should deceive her.
O. Thor. Better you’d been unborn.
But is your love so steady that you mean,
Nay, more, desire, to make her your wife?
Frank. Else, sir,
It were a wrong not to be righted.
O. Thor. True,
It were: and you will marry her?
Frank. Heaven prosper it,
I do intend it.
O. Thor. O, thou art a villain!
A devil like a man! Wherein have I
Offended all the powers so much, to be
Father to such a graceless, godless son?
Frank. To me, sir, this! O, my cleft heart!
O. Thor. To thee,
Son of my curse. Speak truth and blush, thou monster!
Hast thou not married Winnifred, a maid
Was fellow-servant with thee?
Frank [Aside]. Some swift spirit
Has blown this news abroad; I must outface it.
O. Thor. D’ you study for excuse? why, all the country
Is full on’t.
Frank. With your licence, ’tis not charitable,
I’m sure it is not fatherly, so much
To be o’erswayed with credulous conceit
Of mere impossibilities; but fathers
Are privileged to think and talk at pleasure.
O. Thor. Why, canst thou yet deny thou hast no wife?
Frank. What do you take me for? an atheist?
One that nor hopes the blessedness of life
Hereafter, neither fears the vengeance due
To such as make the marriage-bed an inn,
Which travellers, day and night,
After a toilsome lodging, leave at pleasure?
Am I become so insensible of losing
The glory of creation’s work, my soul?
O, I have lived too long!
O. Thor. Thou hast, dissembler.
Dar’st thou perséver yet, and pull down wrath
As hot as flames of hell to strike thee quick
Into the grave of horror? I believe thee not;
Get from my sight!
Frank. Sir, though mine innocence
Needs not a stronger witness than the clearness
Of an unperished conscience, yet for that
I was informed how mainly you had been
Possessed of this untruth,—to quit all scruple,
Please you peruse this letter; ’tis to you.
O. Thor. From whom?
Frank. Sir Arthur Clarington, my master.
O. Thor. Well, sir. [Reads.
Frank [Aside]. On every side I am distracted;
Am waded deeper into mischief
Than virtue can avoid; but on I must:
Fate leads me; I will follow.—There you read
What may confirm you.
O. Thor. Yes, and wonder at it.
Forgive me, Frank; credulity abused me.
My tears express my joy; and I am sorry
I injured innocence.
Frank. Alas! I knew
Your rage and grief proceeded from your love
To me; so I conceived it.
O. Thor. My good son,
I’ll bear with many faults in thee hereafter;
Bear thou with mine.
Frank. The peace is soon concluded.
Re-enter Carter and Susan.
Car. Why, Master Thorney, d’ye mean to talk out your dinner? the company attends your coming. What must it be, Master Frank? or son Frank? I am plain Dunstable.419
O. Thor. Son, brother, if your daughter like to have it so.
Frank. I dare be confident she is not altered
From what I left her at our parting last:—
Are you, fair maid?
Sus. You took too sure possession
Of an engagèd heart.
Frank. Which now I challenge.
Car. Marry, and much good may it do thee, son.
Take her to thee; get me a brace of boys at a burthen,
Frank; the nursing shall not stand thee in a pennyworth
of milk; reach her home and spare not: when’s
the day?
O. Thor. To-morrow, if you please. To use ceremony
Of charge and custom were to little purpose;
Their loves are married fast enough already.
Car. A good motion. We’ll e’en have an household dinner, and let the fiddlers go scrape: let the bride and bridegroom dance at night together; no matter for the guests:—to-morrow, Sue, to-morrow.—Shall’s to dinner now?
O. Thor. We are on all sides pleased, I hope.
Sus. Pray Heaven I may deserve the blessing sent me:
Now my heart is settled.
Frank. So is mine.
Car. Your marriage-money shall be received before your wedding-shoes can be pulled on. Blessing on you both!
Frank [Aside]. No man can hide his shame from Heaven that views him;
In vain he flees whose destiny pursues him. [Exeunt.